by my side | jotaro

THIRTEEN | A New Beginning

PART TWO PROLOGUE

My current status is a junior in college, age twenty-one. I graduated high school with flying colors and got a partial scholarship to my current university. I'm in medical school, aiming to become a doctor. I have so many dreams but I feel dragged down, my heart feels weak.

I feel vulnerable.

Maybe it's because of Kakyoin. He goes out and drinks more often, he is still a sweetheart but I just don't feel the same anymore. He's always lost in thought about something, I don't really know how to deal with everything. We've been together for five years, but it feels different to be with him.

I know we've been drifting apart this year, but I don't want to ever let go of him. I know I eventually won't love him as much, but it will take time to leave him, and let go, not be by his side.

I need someone to steady me, anybody. I feel weak. Mentally, like someone can easily break me down. It breaks my heart when I see my boyfriend come home and cry in our room. I don't know how to deal with this, I want to help him. I just don't know how.

I talk to him, and it seems that my presence helps him get through it. Sometimes he screams at night and keeps whispering a name. 'Dio'. I don't know who this person is but he haunts Kakyoin at night.

Sometimes Kakyoin wakes up and just sits down on the couch and cries there, he feels vulnerable. But I don't know, I don't know.

I know that he knows I don't know, and I'm trying to sympathize but it's just not working. My worst fear though is when I'm low, I'm breaking, he just leaves me.

I wish the best for him, but I need a pillar of support. Right now is a prime item of my life and it's really just going to add onto the stress I have because of school.

That reminds me, I haven't seen Jotaro in forever, we haven't even contacted each other. Every time I mess up my life, I remind myself about Jotaro. I had a chance, but didn't take it.

I hope he's doing better than me right now. I didn't even say a proper goodbye to him in high school. He must've felt terrible. I just left him, all smiles and sunshine, without any warning.

He said that he wouldn't let go, of our relationship as friends, but I don't think so anymore. I remember he told me he liked me and I just sat there, oblivious, and I told him I liked him too.

I thought he was saying as friends, but now I realize I messed up. I told him Kakyoin and I were together and I remember the next day he looked tired. He didn't get any sleep.

______________

"Oi. Y/N." Jotaro callee out to me. We were watching the stars at the beach. It was dark, and only the two of us were there on the soft sands.

"Oh, yeah, what is it Jotaro?!" I said smiling, a million dollar smile. I saw Jotaro had a faint smile on his face which flipped a switch in my heart.

He looked back at the stars, his curly dark hair was flowing in the wind and he ran his large hands through it. At night, his eyes look dazzling, their aquamarine color lighting up and glowing.

"Just wanted to say, I like you." He said as I smiled. "Me too!" I said looking back at the stars.

Jotaro's eyes widened and he blushed a bit, unnoticed by me.

"Thank you Y/N. For giving me that chance to be by your side."

______________

I feel terrible. I really do. I messed up, took the wrong path in life, I know that I cant handle the guilt if Kakyoin thinks I love him as much anymore. He's changed, and so have I.

I don't know where life will lead us now, and I don't know what path I'll take now.