Hanging With The Boys

09.

I MANAGE TO calm down once I get home and start focusing on my homework but at 5 pm, I get a call from my manager. She tells me that someone called in sick, so she wants me to come in and cover. I agree, since the extra money will be nice, and my homework load is pretty light this evening.

I work hard to distract myself from what's going on with Evan, not wanting to think about it for more than a few seconds. Noticing that we've run out of pumpkin spice syrup, I head to the back to get some more. I come back out to see Evan waiting at the counter. It's only me working so I have no choice but to go take his order.

"Hi, what can I get for you?" I ask, making sure my sigh is obvious, so I seem extra disinterested in his presence. "I didn't come here to get coffee." He says. "Well, in case you haven't noticed this is a coffee shop, so if you're looking for something else, you'll probably have better luck elsewhere." I say, forcing myself to smile so I don't sound too harsh. The last thing I want is for him to be petty and file a complaint for bad customer service. He smirks at my sarcasm, probably to lighten the tension between us but it doesn't help. "I want to talk to you." He clarifies. "Personal and professional lives aren't supposed to mesh so you'll have to wait until my shift is done at 9." I say. "You don't have any other customers right now and this is important." He says, gesturing to the relatively empty coffee shop. "Okay, fine. Talk." I relent.

"I just want clarification on the situation from earlier. When we had our argument, was that you breaking up with me?" he asks. "Are you serious?" I deadpan. He came all this way, not even knowing if I would be here, to clarify if we've broken up. He nods slightly, probably scared for how I'll react. "Do you want to break up?" I ask, turning the decision over to him.

Before I can say anything else he gives me his answer. "Yes." He says, so suddenly it's like it doesn't even phase him to end it right this second. I was expecting him to say that he didn't want to. That he wants to stay together because he cares about me and we'll work things out. That he was wrong in our disagreement, he's the one who's confused not me. That Forrest is mistaken, and his brother actually does have a cat. That with their male hormones raging, the fight became too intense and it was just about a disagreement with the lacrosse game. Or even if it wasn't that he'll at least tell me why the fight was started in the first place.

"Yes?" I question, just to make sure I heard him right.

"Look, it's not you, it's me." He starts.

"Don't tell me that shit. It's obviously me. It's because of your lack of connection to me and interest in me as your girlfriend that we're breaking up." I say.

"No, it's really not. It's a commitment thing. You're the type of girl who wants the boyfriend-girlfriend thing. And I thought I wanted that but I'm not ready for that. I have to admit you're my first girlfriend. I've always just had casual hookups before you but when I saw you walk into the coffee shop for the first time, I felt something. Like maybe you could be the one to fix my commitment issues. But I've come to realize that you're amazing and you belong with someone who cares about you with everything in them. Not someone like me, who for a second when we started dating thought that you could be another one-nightstand. But you're too great of a person and I never planned on hurting you this way." He explains, and a chill runs down my spine, making me feel like history is trying to repeat itself with yet another guy showing an interest with me just for the sole purpose of using me for sex. Although, Evan has a way better way of handling it. He has way more maturity in him now than Brent ever will. "And your friends. They seem great. Trust me, they do. It's just that I can't help but feel jealous when you're with them. I shouldn't feel jealous – which I know is my own fault – but I should feel secure in the relationship we have. Yet I don't. Because I know that you're meant to be with one of them, not me." He finishes.