Watermelon Sugar

17

You know the saying, "forgive and forget?"
Or to give second chances? Yeah. I usually believe in that - but why should I now? Why should I forgive someone who watched me suffer and didn't give a fuck about me?

That's where we are now. In this situation. I agreed to meet up with my mother. I wanted to hear what she had to say and Harry helped me decide that. He was very understanding and he made sure I knew that I didn't have to, that I could go on with my life and forget it all but he also told me I deserved answers.

I do think I deserve answers and I'm proud of who I am today. I put up with too much shit in my life to think I didn't deserve anything. I deserve happiness, I deserve love, but I do not deserve Harry. I don't think I ever will.

Right now we are in the car on the way to the restaurant we picked out. Our hands are tangled together and resting on my leg. I have to say he looks very attractive when he drives, his muscles clench in his arm when he makes a turn... I keep staring at him and he knows, he grins every time he catches me. how can I not absolutely drool over him?

"Baby, are you done staring? We're here"
Harry brings me out of my trance of staring at his godly face.

"Are you ready?"

"You'll be there the whole time?"

"The whole time" he leans over and kisses me on the cheek. "I'll be here as long as you need me, okay?"

I wanted to ask him if he'd be with me forever but I don't want to burden him. I don't want to give him a reason to run away. I'm finally able to let someone in without pushing them away. Why would I give that up? Instead I just smile  and nod.

We got out of the car, reconnecting our hands and walking up to the restaurant. Some people notice him, and I don't expect less but it makes me feel a little insecure. I start humming Fine Line in my head because usually it's the only thing to help calm my anxiety. I can practically feel my hands shaking and Harry squeezes my hand to let me know it'll be okay before we both walk through the door.

It's a small little restaurant in town, you would think no one would care but they do. It's LA.

I search around the room and spot my mom right away, tucked in a corner. I can only see the side of her but it looks as if she hasn't changed a bit. Still wearing only grey shirt and a pair of old jeans. I look at Harry and it seems that he spotted her too, just because I was looking at her with fear. I do feel fear. But I also feel anger.

My mother then spots me and smiles... She fucking smiles! We hesitantly walk over to her and she gets up to hug me, I don't even get a second to process it, she just wraps her arms around me and I don't hug back. I don't want to.

"Hi, sweetie, how are you?" She asks as we sit down

I hesitate telling her about my life because she doesn't get that wright but I want her to know I'm better off without her. "I'm really happy actually" I fake smile because I don't want to smile at her. I don't want her to have that. I glance to Harry next to me and he grabs my thigh and gives it a squeeze.

"I can see," she looks over to Harry "nice to meet you,"

"Harry"

"Harry" she smiles. I'm not surprised she doesn't know who he is but I'm sure he thinks it's shocking.

"Can we skip the small talk? Is there some reason you wanted to meet with me? To talk about why my sperm donor is in jail?" I spit out and she looks at me nervously now. Harry squeezes my thigh again to help me calm down and I put my hand on top of his. What he does next makes my heart flutter ... he takes a hold of my hand and starts rubbing his thumb over my knuckles. It's really the small things that make me realize that I'm in love with him. I smile to myself and then I'm put back into reality when I hear my mother start to talk.