The Heartbreak Factor - Part Two

Chapter Seventeen.

“Bye-bye London,” Jaymi said, leaning over me to wave out the window at all the fans that had collected around the tour bus at our hotel as we waited for the journey to our next venue, Birmingham, to begin.

“Yeah, bye,” I sighed, sinking back into the chair of the coach as I sat texting Chloe.

“Whoa, moody,” Jaymi joked, looking at me.

“What?” I asked.

“What’s the matter?” he asked me, lowering the volume in his voice so that nobody sat near us could hear us.

“Nothing,” I lied.

“Sammy..”

“What?” I asked, wanting him to drop the subject.

“I know there’s something up,” Jaymi said. “Just tell me.”

I shook my head. “It’s nothing.”

“Okay,” he smiled but it was so obvious that he didn’t believe me. “But you know I’m always here if you wanna talk.”

I nodded, putting my headphones into my ears in an attempt to block out the sound of George’s laughter as he sat a few rows in front talking to a few of the dancers. The tour bus soon began to move forward and out of the hotel’s car park. 

*

The whole day between arriving in Birmingham and half an hour before the show began just was a huge blur - a huge depressive blur. I put on a fake smile for photos with the fans and put on a happy front as I got interviewed for various radio stations and magazines but I just felt like going home to York through the whole thing. 

Even my performances couldn't cheer me up. 

“Sammy, you did great,” James beamed to me as I walked through the backstage corridors towards the female dressing area to get sorted for the final group performance.

“Thanks,” I said, faking a smile.

*

The bus journey to the hotel didn't get much better. I spent the entire time sat at the front, texting Chloe over her latest crush on some guy from college. I missed her so much. I missed all my family so much. I missed home so much. As soon as the tour bus stopped outside the hotel, the security got me through the fans that had appeared out of nowhere and I walked into the lobby of the hotel.

“Hey,” George called after me as he rushed to catch up with me as I headed straight through the lobby of the hotel, completely ignoring everyone, not even acknowledging Jahmene as he waved to me.

George continued to run after me until I reached the elevator shaft. As he caught up with me, he took hold of my arm and spun me around to face him. When he usually did this, I’d be giggling as he held onto me – but not this time. My face stayed emotionless as I looked at him.

“What’s wrong with you?” he laughed.

Instead of replying, I walked into the open elevator. He let go of my arm and looked at me as I stood looking back at him in the middle of the elevator. Just as the doors were about to shut, George looked back at everyone as they watched what was happening before jumping into the elevator with me. The doors closed and the elevator began to make its way up to our floor. 

“What’s the matter?” he asked after a few moments of silence.

I looked at him and then returned to look at the shut elevator doors, waiting for them to reopen again on our floor.

“Fine, I’ll rephrase that,” George paused. “What’ve I done?”

Again, I ignored him, silently wishing to myself that the elevator would hurry up so I could escape the awkward silence.

“You can’t ignore me forever.”

I shrugged my shoulders as the elevator doors opened up on our floor.

“Just tell me,” George said, grabbing hold of my hand as I made my way out of the elevator and down the corridor towards my hotel room.

Instead of replying to him, I dragged him down the corridor by his hand and pushed him into my hotel room before closing the door behind us. George sat on the end of my bed as I went into the bathroom and began to wipe away the make-up off my face. Walking back into the room, I looked at him as he looked back at me. 

“What’s wrong?”

I hesitated for a few moments before replying. “I don’t feel like we feel the same way about each other anymore.”

“What?” George asked, looking at me with a confused expression across his face as he watched me sit down next to him on the edge of my bed.

“Do you even know how it feels to feel like you’re genuinely addicted to someone? Like you need them there, by your side, every second of every day? Like you need to hear their voice to get you through the day? I don’t think you do because if you did, you wouldn’t be like this.”

“Be like what?”

I looked at George as a tear slowly rolled down my cheek. “Like you don’t wanna spend time with me anymore.”

“Sammy,” George paused. “Just because we don’t spend as much time as we want to together, it doesn’t mean I don’t love you because I do love you. I love you more than I’ve loved anything before, and I really mean that."

I shook my head.

“I do love you. I love every single thing about you,” George smiled as he took hold of my hand. “I love the way you get all insecure like this. I love the way you laugh when you’re nervous. I love the way you stop singing half way through every performance for a few moments to watch everyone sing back to you. I love the way you keep a cute little diary of everything you’ve done from the day you auditioned for the X Factor. I love the way how you’re looking right at me right now and listening to what I’m saying but really you’re questioning how I knew about your diary. I love the way you’re resisting to giggle right now because you know I’m right by the thing you do with scrunching your nose up so you look like a bunny rabbit. I love the way you wrap my arm around you when we’re laying down together. I love the way you always hide behind the curtains at the side of the stage while I perform and watch. I love the way it’s easy to make you laugh and hard to make you cry, and I hate the way that I’ve managed to do that. Sammy, I love you.”

Listening to him reel off all the things about me, I felt my heart melt.  

“I love you, okay? Don’t ever think that I don’t because I really do.”