Envoy of death

III

The door is opened roughly,what rippes me out of my sleep. I flinch at the bright light that is coming from the kitchen. I rub the sleeping dust out of my eyes and look towards the person that disturbed my sleep. My mother is standing at the door starring anxiously at the floor.
She walks towards me pulling the big curtains open. Without a word she sits down behind me. She takes the wooden comb and combs my hair. The silence is sickening but I don't want to break it. My mother continues her work until every knot is gone. One single tear falls from her left eye. But I don't feel sorry for her. She should have fought for me.
All the time I've spent with my family just feel like a burden. I've always had the memory being loved. But every love they gave me came from the request of my brother. My brother who always wanted the best for me. He loved me even though nobody did. And this just feels like the revenge I got from not fighting for him. I am to weak but I have to be strong.
My mother braids my hair into a crown. Two black wavy strands where sticking out of it. I stand up unable to look at the face of my mother.
It happened in a night like this"
She begins to talk. Her voice was weak as If she had cried the whole night.
I look at her face seeing tears falling down her cheeks.
"I was as young as you are right now"
She continues looking at the floor.
I stared at her frozen as I watch her excusing herself for something horrible she is about to do.
"Your father isn't your real father Al"
Another tear is dripping on her clothes.
"I know, he's my uncle"
I say as cold as I could. She can forget that I pity her for crying now. Not now, not anymore.
My mother flinches after hearing my voice.
"Look, I'm sorry, but even he is not your uncle"
She says whilst reaching out to touch my cheeks.
I flinch looking at her disgusted.
"Then who is my father, mother?"
I say as a small tear forms at my eye.
This hit me deeply. The years of disgust and anger for nothing. I could have had a normal beautiful life if I would have been with my real father.
"He left us after you were born"
She answers with a raspy voice.
"Maybe hell be the one buying you"
She continues.
"Do you even get what you're doing right now? Selling me for money that you already have, because you aren't able to take care of me anymore?"
Big salty tears at falling down my cheeks.
"Where's dad?"
I ask with a cracking voice. As if I cared. He probably wanted me to be sold just as his brother.
As if I was some kind of pest.
Yes maybe I m just a pest.
"He is in the city he'll be back soon."
She says lying as always. I can't even remember a time she didn't lie to me.
"And how long will he be there, another year? Or was he again taken for military service?"
Every time im asking her she tells the same lies.
I look at her with anger and disgust
"Don't lie to me mom"
My voice is ice cold as I speak.
"He's dead"
Her eyes start watering again.
"Why didn't you tell me mom"
I ask her putting pressure on the open wound.
I hate this about her she never tells the truth, as if it makes anything better, not worse.
I pationetly whait for  her answer, expecting another lie.
"I couldn't put you in that pain, not after your brother."
I sigh as i look her in the eyes.
"it would have been better without you lying to my face"
I looked at her in disbelief, laughing at the fact that that as well was a lie.
We walk towards the big stable of ours. The butler has already three horses saddled for us.
My family is rich but they never had the money to care for me because I wasn't worth it.
Were they wrong though.
Nobody's going to know where I'm going and what happened to me.
I smirked as I thought about it.
It was a painful smirk but I accepted my fate.
I guess not everybody has the beautiful life they describe in all those books I've read.
Whilst pushing the thought away I walk towards our butler.
The big creatures are standing still. But even then I would not go any nearer towards them.
I've never ridden a horse before.
As I step closer to the animal my heart drops. I'm stepping out of my comfort zone so my legs start to tremble.
The butler sends me a warm smile as he casually lifts me up the horse. I open my mouth to complain, but after realizing that is probably pointless I close it again.
My naked legs are brushing over the fur of the animal.
The warm fur of the animal gives me strength, even though my legs are shaking of fear.
My knuckles went white as I grip my fingers as tight as I can around the thick mane of the beautiful mare.
The reins are passed towards my mother who is adjusting the girth of her saddle.
"We can do this together, can we?"
I whisper quiet enough so nobody could have heard it, besides the horse.
Pathetic I think as I shiver in fear.
I hate riding.
I hate my parents.
If I can call them parents anymore.
As my parents got up their horses,we started to move forward.
Going towards the unknown.
A world I don't want to be apart of.

Forgive but don't forget girl, keep ya head up. And when he tells you you ain't nothing don't believe him, and if he can't learn to love you, you should leave him." – Tupac