to catch a fleeting moment

the records on my wall are becoming dusty

first, i would like to acknowledge all of the love you gave me [and all of the love i returned] and tell you that i wouldn't wish for things to have gone any other way [i don't think i've ever been as happy as i was when i was with you, even if now i'm the saddest i've ever been, i wouldn't change it for the world].

i would also like to let it be known, the fact that i've never forgotten a moment when the two of us were together: not the moments where we felt like little eternies, flying like acrobats up in the clouds, innocent little sunflowers dancing towards the nearest light; not the ones where we sobbed into each other's shoulders hoping that our tears could desperately repair the damage the world had torn into our skin; and not even the ones where we were at the furthest ends of the coach from each other, the wind blowing our draping curtains, attempting to salve the tensions in the air [the moments when all i was focused on was the floating curtains and how i realized right then that maybe i was the wind and you were the curtains, even with that realization i still don't think i've ever wanted anything between us to have been any different - and i would never wish to forget this realization or the moments leading up to it].

i think i've always wondered what you would be like when no one was watching? would it be the you that i see on our happiest days, sun soaked and happy - sugar coated and sweet [just like your words always were]? maybe it would be the you that left behind your favorite records on my wall when you left, that are now collecting dust - the same records you left as a reminder of the pain i would feel once it finally set in that i would never be my happiest ever again? or possibly would it be the you that broke down crying when i said that you couldn't be apart of my life anymore - that the damage the world caused us couldn't be solved with this combination of pain?

before i move you from my thoughts as best i can for the last time, i'd like to let you know one last thing: sometimes the world makes two people destined for each other. now, a lot of people believe that those destined for each other are meant to be together forever [or even at all], but i don't think that was the case for us. you see, i know we were destined for each other, you could tell it from the way our apartment looked as if only one soul took up the space between its walls, but i know, even though our wounds scabbed over, if we would've been destined for each other forever i wouldn't feel such peace letting you go. which doesn't mean i don't love you. trust me, i do. it just means that our combination of pain was too great to fix together and we'd have to search for a new solution [something effective].

so as my last wish for you, i truly hope you'll find your next destiny [even if i know you were my first /and/ my very last].