Sanditon Melodies

Chapter 40: The next move

"... don't you think Charlotte?"

"Hmm?" Charlotte replied looking over at her sister Alison along with her parents who were staring at her. "Sorry, I was miles away."

"We noticed." Alison said rolling her eyes at her.

"Everything OK dear?" Her Mum asked.

"Yes. I'm just tired."

"I'm not surprised after all the excitement of the last couple of months. But why didn't you have a lie in?"

"Couldn't sleep." Charlotte replied as she sipped her morning coffee. "I think I'm going to go for a walk." She said as she got up, mug in hand and headed for the door, not noticing the looks being exchanged between the members of her family.

As soon as Charlotte got outside the front door she took a deep breath. She was glad to be back in Willingden with her family for a couple of days before the next stop on the tour, but being in the farmhouse with a million and one thoughts in her head this morning felt suffocating. She needed fresh air and space to process what Sidney had said to her last night. Charlotte made her way to the pumpkin field. Halloween was a couple of weeks away and Charlotte tried to distract herself on her walk by picking out the biggest one. It looked like they'd have a really good crop this year.

As Charlotte was meandering around the field looking at the pumpkin crop she started recalling the words Sidney had said to her the night before. He wanted to move forward... with her... she was all he could think about... He wanted to be with her... Charlotte couldn't deny that she had been longing for him to say those words to her for weeks now, and when Sidney had said it, part of her had wanted to run and jump straight into his arms... but the other part was still hurt that he hadn't said it sooner... how he had been completely silent for a whole month, even if she could now understand the reasons why.

Charlotte had tried to move on and put Sidney from her mind, but it had been nigh on impossible, for he not only pervaded her thoughts, but her heart as well. She loved him, and that's why it had hurt so much when he hadn't fought for her that night or at any other point in the last few weeks... until now. Could she forgive him for his silence? Didn't her love for him compel her to? For despite everything she still wanted him. She wanted him so much it hurt. But could she trust him not to do this to her again? And for all his eloquent words last night, there were three vital ones that were missing. Perhaps they were implied in his speech, but he never expressed them. Did he love her, like she loved him?

Slowly Charlotte continued her stroll around the field and as she walked she started to hum a tune and then pretty soon the lyrics to a new song started to come together...

My heart was racing

When we found ourselves alone

The time you called me

We spoke for hours on the phone

Was I just dreaming?

Or did you start to feel the way I did for you?

When you were gone

The pain, the hurt, the ache went on and on

Couldn't let you go and even though I tried

Your words, your touch, these feelings stayed inside

As she was singing, the tears began to fall as she realised that she couldn't walk away. Whether it was stupid or not, she didn't want to... no, she couldn't live without him. He had been brave with her, vulnerable even about what had happened to him to make him so hesitant... and now it was her turn to make the next move...