Green Light ✓ || Ashton X Reader

Chapter 7

When you wake up the next morning, you have sixty four messages on your Magnificat app, and most of them are from Ashton.

The two of you have really become good friends over the past couple of weeks. Admittedly, you've become good friends with all of 5SOS, but there's something about Ashton that's extra charming. There are times when you have to sit in their practices, and when you make eye contact with Ashton in the back, he always makes faces back at you from behind his drum set. And afterward, he always asks you if you're doing okay, and if you've been contacted by him. There have even been a couple of times that you've hung out solo, and you didn't even consider it to be a date until you were in your dorm room, alone again.

Ashton's not like him. Ashton is considerate of your time and doesn't touch your belongings. Ashton always asks permission before getting in your space, and he always knocks. Not that he could ever barge into your dorm, anyway, but you know he would have found a way to. The others show you the same respect, and you've been down to their suite a few more times, once in particular to watch a scary movie that wasn't actually all that scary. But it's kind of nice.

Well...it has been kind of nice. Because now you just have a bunch of messages after taking all of yesterday off. Love, are you ok? Love, Luke told me what happened. Please talk to me. And then, I'm just going to assume you're asleep. Call me when you wake up, love?

You do so, mostly because it sounds like a demand, and you still react to demands as if they must be met immediately. Habits die hard. And it's good to hear his voice over the phone. "I'm gonna bring you an esky, so stay put." And you have absolutely no clue what an "esky" is, but five minutes later Ashton shows up in front of your dorm with a cooler full of food and drinks. Turns out the boys got takeout again and didn't eat all of it, and Ashton brought the leftovers.

"I'll have to warm this up," he says. "Do you have a microwave in here, or do I need to go down the hall to the kitchenette?"

And you feel awful. You feel horrible, because Ashton shouldn't have to be down here taking care of you, when you should be the one taking care of the band. Isn't that your job? Isn't that why you put on that pink polo every day? But here you are, in your pajamas, and you're being taken care of.

He never liked taking care of you. If you ever had a problem, you had to fix it yourself. There would be the occasional time that something would be broken beyond your own repair, and he would fix it, and then he would gloat about it for the next week. You always preferred fixing it yourself in those circumstances. But most of the time, if you had a problem, you were just a bother.

"Why are you here?" you ask Ashton. "I'm just...not okay right now."

"Yeah, and I know you're not okay, so I'm helping. When's your next appointment with your therapist, love? After yesterday, you definitely need to talk with them."

"I know! I know I'm so..." Broken. You hate saying that word. You hate how afraid he has made you of everything. You came to Los Angeles to be stronger without him. So why does it feel like the exact opposite? Why does it feel like all you did is leave him behind to be weak here, a thousand miles from home, a thousand miles from him?

Maybe if you just went back, you wouldn't feel like such a failure. You wouldn't be having panic attacks in the middle of malls, and everybody wouldn't be watching you.

"Love." Ashton touches your shoulder. "You're in your own head again. Talk to me. Please."

"I don't...I don't want to." You look away from him. You feel so embarrassed for breaking down in front of everybody. You feel like such a failure.

"Why not?" Ashton asks, his voice tone raising. And you wince, because his voice is loud, and he's yelling at you, and then he's yelling at you, in your kitchen, in the bedroom, in the bathroom --

There's a sudden knock on the door.

Ashton turns toward it, then back to you. "Should I open it?"

You manage enough energy to shrug. You feel that panic attack thing coming on again, where your thoughts spin around in your head too fast for you to grab onto just one.

Before Ashton opens the door, he walks to the bed that you're sitting on and grabs the teddy bear. He puts it in your arms, looks into your eyes, and then kisses you on the forehead before getting up. The kiss is enough to jolt you back to reality, just a little bit, and you hug the teddy bear tight, closing your eyes. The therapist said the panic attacks may be normal for a while as you adjust to life without him, but you will learn how to fight them and get better at fighting them.

It's all going to be okay.

"Uh, love?"

You turn toward the door. There is an older man there. His blue jacket indicates that he is one of the lead gophers. Ashton is still standing there with the door open. "You have a phone call at employee services," he says.

Employee services? Nobody should know you're here. Nobody that would call, anyway. "From whom?"

When he says the name, you gasp. That's his mom. Your ex's mom is calling the Magnificat. But why his mom? How did his mom figure out you were here?

"Just one moment," Ashton tells the man. He shuts the door. "Do you want to take this call? You didn't like that name."

"I -- it's his mom, I got no clue why she would be calling me."

"Then we'll go together, if you want. Can you get dressed?"

You nod, and Ashton leaves the room while you throw on your pink polo and jeans. He gestures to you to take the teddy bear with you, and then he takes your other hand, and he leads you out of the dorm. The two of you follow the lead down the hall to employee services, but Ashton's hand doesn't leave yours for one moment.

And you think, for a second: whatever your ex's mom might want, you might be able to get through this phone call in one piece, as long as Ashton can stay by your side.