Surviving Senior Year

Kody

To the boy that I never expected to steal my heart.

I remember when you first started working at Starbucks, you came in the midst of Jonathan and I, you were so new and added a whole new perspective. But I was going away to college and didn't want to place too much attention on a boy that I just met, no matter how cute it was when you got nervous, especially that time you were trying to ask for pennies for your cash drawer but accidentally said pencils.

I'll never forget about that nickname.

Time went by in college and you became just a part of home, not really thinking about it too much except when you texted a few times first semester, and when I saw you dressed as a vsco girl, I loved that. I came home for thanksgiving break and got to spend a little time with you, but even more during winter break. I went back to college thinking nothing of it, I only expected to be back home for a few days over spring break and then not until summer break.

That was until Covid 19.

When my spring break got extended.

Then I became fully online for school and started working 30+ hour weeks, seeing you all the time.

Then one day I came into work tired and saw Syd drinking a Redbull, I turned to you and asked you to go get me one coconut redbull from circle k but you came back with three. It made my heart happy since I am not used to people actually doing that kind of stuff for me.

From there it moved on to us hanging out with Syd, getting dutch and food, driving around, going to the drive in. We progressed into hanging out alone and face-timing every night.

It all happened so fast.

How was I meant to explain that I caught feelings for you so fast? I wasn't even sure about it myself. Was it just because of covid keeping us in, therefore limiting the interactions I had? Or was it real feelings?

I was constantly getting asked what was going on between us, I never truly had an answer or even know how to reply when people asked why we weren't dating yet. I didn't want to tell them about all of our little food dates and drive in dates, I didn't want their opinions.

I was excited to have something that was untouched by everyone but us.

I thought about us more and more, thinking about how I felt and what could be. I'm not quite sure when it clicked that I truly did like you and that it wasn't just quarantine.

You saw me for who I was.

You appreciated me as a person.

You didn't make me feel like I needed to change.

Out of all the time I spent with you, I never got bored. I loved every single one of those small moments from you letting me attempt to braid your hair, to giving you a "covid haircut" to drawing small sharpie tattoos on each other. They made me immensely happy.

I was so glad to have found you even if all we would be was friends.

.

That night that we went to sonic, I was ready to tell you all about my feelings but something in me kept telling me that it wouldn't work out, it scared me away from telling you my true feelings. But then I promised to tell you and I couldn't back away from my promise.

As we drove around that next night, I was freaking out about telling you since I wasn't sure how you would handle it after me telling you that I didn't want a boyfriend. When we drove past those houses on the mountain, I was ready to tell you and kiss you but then we got spooked and I lost all confidence.

It was all worth the wait once I kissed you in the Starbucks parking lot, where it had all started. I was so happy and could not wait to tell Syd all about it. You made me so happy.

We continued on for a couple days in that place where we were still considered friends but kissed each other, so kind of friends with benefits? But I was ok as long as I got to spend time with you.

.

June 2 2020

The day it became official, I wasn't quite expecting it to happen right before clean play that day, on our way to get crumbl cookies that I am just so obsessed with. We went into work after and I couldn't wipe the smile off of my face, I wanted to tell everyone but I thought we should keep it quiet for a little to avoid the Nat conversation. Although it didn't matter to me that nobody else knew because all that mattered was that I was with you.

From that point on all I want was to spend every moment with you.

Kody, you have been such an amazing source of happiness in my life. You have helped to calm my anxiety and learned how to help during an attack. You learned my family tree, my favorite flower, and so much more. You make me feel so loved and wanted, even though I am a pain to deal with sometimes.

I appreciate you.

And more importantly,
                                         I love you.