Dear Harry, The One Where I Write To You. ( harry styles) #wattys2015

Part 16

Dear Harry,

i cant take this anymore. the pain is getting bad. the pain is so bad. i cry because im in so much pain. i know this man sound selfish but i wish i could just die now so i dont have to live with this pain anymore. i'll be in heaven with Dylan but then i dont want to die. i'm 17 years old i should be having fun with my friends, i should be fighting with my parents about stupid things.

i never got to do that, i've always been in hospital. if not for me but for Dylan. family is the only thing that matters to me.

you have two months left of tour. two months. i'm praying im still alive when you're off tour. i want to see you one last time before i can finally leave.

im in the lounge writing this because we have another celebrity coming to visit us. i dont know who it is because im so caught up in writing this. if im honest i dont care who it is. i want to write in this journal forever. but i know i can't. i know one day i'm going to leave it unfinished.

i'm back in my room now, my mum and dad are here. they keep asking me how i am and how i'm coping with things but i'm fed up with people keep asking me if i'm ok.. do i look ok? no. im not mentally stable. i cant walk no more i was to be in a wheel chair.

i can walk to the toilet because it isnt that far away but i cant walk anywhere else.

''can you stop writing for a minute leah and listen to me'' mum just said to me.

i finished writing that bit and asked her what she wanted. she told me that just incase she doesn't get the chance to tell me, dad also told me he loved me and then they left to go home because it was pretty late.

i'm just sitting here in bed writing this with family guy on in the background. i checked your twitter to see what you've been up to and i saw your latest tweet..

''@harry_styles : @leah_xox i hope you're good. i miss you. stay strong for me xx'' is what you wrote.

''@leah_xox : @harry_styles thank you, im trying to stay strong. i miss you x'' is what i replied

i want you to know i am staying as strong as i possibly could. but its hard for me.

i should go to sleep now... i miss you harry.

with so much love,

Leah x