Someone who loves me (Lams)

Dying is easy, living is harder

I'm posting this and then will likely be hiding for a day or two like a coward, lol

There will be more after this, and I have an ending ready that will not be influenced by your comments.

-Lafayette POV-

"Herc, I'm worried about him." He strokes my hair, and I lean against his chest. "He won't tell us anything anymore."

"Laff, there's something I need to tell you."

"I have something too. You first."

"That night, when we were at his house, you rushed inside, but I saw him," I feel Hercules start to shake, and looking into his eyes I see tears start to fall. "His legs, they were covered Laff, covered in cuts. I think he's..."

"God, I was hoping you wouldn't say that." My own tears begin to trickle down my face as I fumble around in my pocket. "This was on the bathroom floor the day he left." I sigh, holding up the blade.

"What are we gonna do? He doesn't want our help, he's already pushing us away."

"I don't know Herc, I don't know. But we need to talk to him, soon." Herc wraps his arms around me, and I do the same to him, pulling closer. We lay there, crying for our friend until we fall asleep.

I walk between Herc and John, an arm slung carefully around each of their shoulders. Johns blisters have gone, but much of him is still a bright red, and I don't want to hurt him. We make our way down the boardwalk, and I smile at the clicking noise my shoes make on the boards. It's a very satisfying sound.

"So, John-John, how are things going?" I bump my hip into his side, and tighten my hold on his shoulder as he tips sideways. "Whoah, didn't mean to knock you over!"

Herc looks at me with his resting bitch face, and I give him a kiss on the nose.

"I'm fine, same as always."

"John, Laff and I have been talking, and we don't think-"

"You need someone else to talk to." I finish off for Herc, unsure of where he was going with that. "We aren't professionals, and you need someone to help you sort things out."

"Please, I don't want to talk about this."

"You're hurting, John, you think we don't notice? You eat minimal amounts, you push everyone away, you cover your scars-"

"I don't know what you mean, there's nothing wrong."

"Then show us your legs, John!" Herc is shaking beside me, and I give him a squeeze, he needs to calm down or this won't work, we'll scare him away again.

"John, what he means is... we know. We found the blade. Herc saw your thighs. We want to help you." John pulls away from me, standing in front of me and Herc. 

"I don't need your help. I don't need anyone's help, okay?" I reach out, wanting to pull him in and hold him close, protect him, but he slaps me away. I look down at my hand, I need to show him I care.

"Please, we found a therapist who works with abused children, she can help you."

"I'm not a child, and I don't need to be fixed! You don't care about me, you think I'm a project, a broken person you can build back up. You want to save the poor little boy who's father hurts him, but I don't need help from a couple of fags!"

I take a step back, I've never heard John, always so calm and quiet, talk to anyone like this, not even Henry.

"You do not get to talk about Lafayette like that!" I try to hold Herc back, but he pushes in front of me. "We know your past sucks, but maybe we don't all have it so easy either! We fixed our issues, we moved past them, and now we want to help you do the same." 

John turns around and runs off, and I grab onto Herc as tight as I can, my body shaking with each sob. My chin rests on-top of his head, and I take in a deep breath as he wraps his arms around my hips.

"We- *hicc* need to- *hicc* find him."

"Take a break, Laff, you need a minute. You'll never find him while your like this."

I bow my head, and Herc presses his forehead to mine.  

"He'll be okay for a few minutes, how far can he get?"

-John POV- 

I run, pushing past anyone who may happen to be in my way. There aren't many people here, everyone's off on summer vacation. I pull up my hood, trying to blend in with the sparse crowd. Between Laff's normal height and the added inches from his stilettos, they'll have an easy view of the whole area if they decide to look for me. If. I feel kind of guilty about what I said, but I'm tired of everyone's pity. Maybe I don't want to be fixed. I won't give them the chance.

I walk along the bridge, the gentle lapping of the waves calming me. I take the bottle from last night out of my pocket, glad it was on the side Laff didn't crash into. I roll the glass in my hands, preparing myself.

I don't know if what I'm about to do makes me brave or a coward, but I'm past the point of caring. 

I make my way to the rail, looking below me. I never noticed just how high the bridge is compared to the water.

I wrap the string connected to the bottle around the rail. The large sticker, labeled 'Laff and Herc' facing up. I clear my mind. Im ready. I want to do this, need to do this. It's the easiest option, it gets me away from my pain, away from this hell. And who knows, maybe I'll get a do-over. And maybe then I'll get to do something right. 

Count to ten.

1, I wipe my palms off on my pants.

2, I grab hold of the cold metal bars in front of me.

3, I look back at my note in a bottle, hoping they find it. Hoping they understand.

4, I look up at the sky, birds flying around, free. I want to join them.

5, I hoist myself onto the rail, my knuckles white as I hold on, I'm not ready to slip into the water just yet.

6, my feet find the platform of the bridge, and I stand facing the sea.

7, I take a deep breath, Mom, I'm coming home.

8, I loosen my grip, my mind empty.

9, I'm ready, I smile, it's time.

10, I let go, preparing for the fall.