Someone who loves me (Lams)

Oh my god... and they were Roommates

-Alex POV-

I don't care about having a useful conversation right now. 

I'd rather avoid all this for the time being. So, instead of dealing with my issues like an adult, I'm just going to ignore the problem and distract him. 

But what will get John distracted?

"You have a turtle, right?"

"Alex, I've only told you about Daveed, like, every other day."

"Why'd you name your turtle Daveed?"

"Because Daveed Diggs would have to be one of the two greatest men alive. Absolute idol. Besides, the other one I know personally, and it would be weird to have an animal named after them."

I blush slightly as he stares at me with a smile. He wraps an arm around me, awkwardly because of the shirt prison.

"Then who's the other greatest man alive?"

"Me."

"Really."

"Oh fuck no, of course not. I literally hate myself Alex. No, the other one is far better. He's gentle and he takes care of me and makes me take care of myself and doesn't get mad at any of my fuck ups. And yeah, he's a bit childish at times, but it's all fun. And he works so hard, always wants what's best for everyone. He's a pretty great guy, you've probably seen him once or twice."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. You wanna know who it is?"

I nod softly as one of his hands slips up through the shirt to cup my chin, tipping my face back to see him better. My eyes drift shut as he leads me up to tiptoe, his mouth pausing just far enough away that it's not touching my own but I can still feel it's presence. And then comes his voice, barely above a whisper.

"Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier, Marquis de La Fayette."

"Fuck you! You ass!"

"You wish you could."

He lets out a small snort as I push him off. It's not a successful push. He just grabs me tighter.

"No baby, it's you. Always you, and I'm sorry Lexi. About everything, okay? I don't know why I did any of that. No, I do know. I was hurting. And instead of dealing with it I made it all worse."

"You really did. Like, you actually fucked up big time."

"I know. And I deserve every insult you want to hurl at me. None of you deserved what I did. Not you, not Laff, not Ellie. Hell, not even Jordan."

"Especially not Jordan."

"You're right. I don't know, I'm just so scared, Ellie- she's growing up. She doesn't need me. You don't need me. Herc and Laff don't need me. No one needs me anymore."

John looks like he's about to cry and I don't like that so I hide my face in him so I don't have to see it. 

"We do need you. And even if we don't need you, we want you. All of us. But we want the real you, not whatever the fuck you were last night. Because you scared us. We had no idea how far you would have gone if we didn't stop you."

"I'm going to be better. I don't- there's no real excuse here. I was an ass plain and simple and I promise if you still want me I'll be better."

"I know you will. And I love you John, okay? Never forget that. Love my John, the sweet and soft one who's really comfy and calls me his gremlin just to apologize before I even get the chance to insult him back. I want my John who will try and coax my annoying ass to bed for an hour before giving up and dragging me there yourself. Want my cuddly Johnny."