Someone who loves me (Lams)

Alex finally says no to something

Here it is, the chapter that no one asked for or wanted but I wrote anyways.

Also, I've never been drunk so keep that in mind.

-John POV-

I look at the group that's beginning to gather. I was hoping to make it here first. To be alone. I'm not that lucky.

 Looking around for someplace quiet, I spot a bridge. Perfect.

 There's something I need to talk to Alex about, and I don't need everyone else watching.

"Alex, come look at this!"

I lead Alex around the building, allowing him to lean against my chest as we look out over the frozen water. Snow rains down gently, sticking in his hair.

"It's beautiful."

"Truly. Say, we seem to be alone right now, so let's talk." 

Alex pulls out his phone, and I take a step back from the edge. I anxiously chew the inside of my lip as Alex takes a photo of the scene across from us. 

"What did you want to say?"

Come on Laurens, it's now or never. I drop onto my knees and pull the box from my pocket. I've been freaking out all day.

"John?" Alex asks as he turns around. I watch his hands shoot over his mouth as he jumps back.

"I love you Lexi. And I was wondering if you wanted to get married? To me?" He looks shocked. 

But not excited.

"John, I love you too. So much. But it's only been five months and-"

"Just say no. I can take it."

"Not yet. I promise, one day. But I'm not ready for that yet."

I just nod, putting on the fake smile I've been practicing for years as it sets in.

He said no.

Seriously John, what did you think would happen? You would propose and he'd say yes? Alex and you would kiss in the night, a scene from a movie? 

This entire idea was stupid. I'm stupid for thinking he would say yes. 

"John, please, it's not that I don't love you. You know I do. But I need more time. It's-"

"It's okay. You don't need to explain yourself. I understand."

And I do. He doesn't want me in the same way I want him. And maybe he never will.

How could he?

I slip the box back into my pocket, pinching my thigh to refrain from crying.

"John-"

"No. Just drop it. I don't want to talk about this again. Promise you won't say anything?"

He nods, and I hesitantly let him grab my hand.

I look over the bridge at the water below. Alex turns me away from the edge, pulling the two of us against the side of the building.

"I'm sorry."

"No you aren't. You said no. I just have to deal with it. I'll be fine."

I push his hand away as he places it on my chest and stalk off around the building.

Why did I think this would work? I'm pathetic. I finally meet a guy I can trust, one who won't hurt me, one who will take care of me, one who I thought was serious about loving me. And I fall hard, head over heels and rush it.