All Simon could see was blurry visions of Roger, nothing was clear anymore. The scene from that day only a week or so ago, felt like nothing but a faint memory. The kiss they shared that could only have lasted a few seconds...The other boys hands in his hair. The soft words he whispered to him afterwards that made him finally feel safe on the island.
By the time he was able to awaken, the water had completely filled his lungs and struggling was pointless. He just let the salty ocean take him further and further away from his new found home and the boy he loved.
Everything that happened in the past few hours made his head spin, or it would have. Now he was somewhere between life and death, letting nature have it's way with his battered remains. Blood soaking the water where jagged stones crushed his skull, his body barely recognizable. The soft lips Roger seemed to like so much now a bitter shade of blue.
He knew his passing was inevitable from the very day they landed, he just wanted to make himself believe things would be different. He wanted to believe the boys he once knew wouldn't become the monsters hidden by their youth. Clearly, he believed wrong. He was foolish to think he could save them from themselves.
Even Roger...The tender expression he used to wear had been washed away. He just wished he could have known what pushed him over the edge. What could Jack have said? What could Ralph have done?
Simon had never seen such fury in a person. The way his eyes glazed over, not hearing the painful screams he released when they beat him. All caught up in the adrenaline from the fire and the hunt.
The days after their kiss were nothing like Simon had hoped. Roger suddenly seemed much to busy to accompany him on even the shortest walk in the jungle. Maybe it was the rising tension between the dirty blonde and the red head, or maybe it was something different...
He just wished he could have made his discovery sooner.
Cold. For the first time since they crashed the night felt cold to Roger. Goosebumps covered his legs and arms. He had not left the burnt out fire since they realized what had went on. Since he looked out over the rocks, watching Simon float out to sea. Away from him. How could he leave him in this hell?
The others denied they had anything to do with what happened, but Roger knew. He knew he killed the boy he thought he loved. The boy he shared the most with. He spilled his blood and for what? For the high feeling that followed that did not last hardly enough?
Maybe he had done it...To protect him. To free him from the other boys. Yeah...He did a good thing. If he was still alive their was no way he would survive the next weeks. What with Roger and Jack literally at each others throats, there was no way he would be safe.
Now he could be in the one place no one could hurt him. He could join the angels where he belonged.
Many thoughts swirled through his head one being what Simon had said. He was trying desperately to remember...It had something to do with the beast. Had he seen it? No...Maybe he would never know what he said. Like he could hear over all the yelling...
Roger wanted to regret what happened, he wanted so badly to feel guilty, to deny it like everyone else. That just wasn't possible for him. The remorse, the sympathy it would not come. No matter how hard he tried. He couldn't even cry. Nothing would fall from his eyes.
Maybe Simon had been right. He was a monster, a demon. Just like everyone else trapped here. Even if he wanted to love the boy...The only way he knew how to do that was to save him. To save him from Jack, from the uncertainty of what was next to come.
And his way of safety was...death.
Even as the little thing was going limp, the color draining from his face, Roger couldn't stop. Mercy was never an option.
The time they shared together was something he could replay in his head over and over to make it feel like he was still here. In a way he was...He was in the air, the trees, the butterflies...
Roger was never sure of many things, but now as he looked out over the water he was sure of one thing...
He had to finish this for Simon. For himself. For everyone.
//word count ~775~
