The REM Trials

Chapter 37

I struggle to catch my breath.

Nothing feels real.

Dad's starting to lose his warmth, but I can't bring myself to let go of his hand.

I can't let go of him, because the moment I do, he's truly gone. It will be real. Painfully, blisteringly, undeniably real, and I don't know if I can take that. I can't lose the one bit of real family I had left. Of course, I still have Pepper and Peter—maybe even Claire or gran if they're still around.

But only Dad was there for me when no one else was. He loved me from the second we knew about the other. He brought me to New York when my life imploded. He helped me train and find myself again. He showed me what it meant to be human and how to be a real hero. He spent all his time reminding me that I was always going to be loved and understood.

He was my Dad, and I can't just let him go.

"We need to return those stones to their original places." Strange calls after a long moment of silence, and the sound of his voice makes my skin burn with rage and hatred. "It's imperative that they be taken back to their rightful places."

"Shut up." I glare at him, and suddenly all eyes are on me.

"I know you're grieving, but—"

"No!" I shout back and wrap my shadows around his throat. "You know nothing about me, and you know nothing about what I'm feeling."

"Lia, what are you—?" Peter starts to ask, but I cut him off before he can finish his question.

"You killed him." I barely blink as the pressure increases on his throat. "He didn't have to die. There was another way for us to win, but you let him die. Worse yet, you convinced him to do it and let him stop me when I tried to help."

"It was too late for you to do anything. If you had intervened, everything would have been lost." Strange chokes out, and I shake my head. "I saw every outcome, this was how it had to happen."

"You said there were two outcomes." I counter and squeeze a little tighter. "There was another way. It could have worked, but you—you still let him die. Why? And before you answer, I suggest you tell me the truth if you value breathing."

"You already know the answer."

Tears build back up in my eyes as I recall the way he looked at me back on Titan and his glance over to me before Dad—before he did what he did. "Then why didn't you let it happen? It was supposed to be me. The stones wanted me to be the one to stop it."

"Because, he got there first. He knew what it would cost and willingly paid the price."

"He shouldn't have." I scream as I release Strange as the gut-wrenching sobs overwhelm me. "He shouldn't have stopped me. He should still be here."

Peter's arms wrap around me tightly as he pulls me close to his chest, both of us still hurt, dirty, and grieving. "Hey, it's not your fault. It's no ones fault."

"Yes, it is. I should have been faster." I grip onto his shoulders and barely blubber out the words, "I still need him. I need my Dad."

It starts becoming harder to breathe, and I swear I'm trying to suck air through a coffee straw. Everything is hazy. None of it feels real. I'm just watching myself from outside my body, unable to move as I see myself as a sobbing mess in my boyfriend's arms.

Strange rubs his throat, where a bruise is starting to show. Mum watches from her place next to Rhodey, both of them with pain in their eyes at the entire situation. The rest seem to awkwardly shift on their feet, unsure of what to do or say.