The REM Trials

Chapter 39

"I think this is the first time I haven't felt comfortable in black." I whisper and tug at the hem of the long sleeves. It's supposed to be cool again today, but I know I'm mostly going to need something to fiddle with to keep my mind distracted. "Who even decided to wear black to funerals? Why—why couldn't it be something different like—like orange or something. Nobody really wears orange; so it's not like people's whole wardrobe are forever tainted by the memory of sitting there while they mourn and hear people talk about their loved one."

"I don't know." Peter whispers as his fingers slip through mine. "It's okay to be nervous or hurt. You're allowed to be upset—to feel."

"Even if so much of it is still anger?"

"You can't dictate what you feel, Lia. All you can do is experience it." I lean my head against his shoulder all ready exhausted despite the day having barely begun. "You gonna be okay?"

I have to think about it for a minute. Okay is a foreign idea to me now. It's hard to imagine any bit of my life ever finding the grey area of okay.

Then I think about everything Peter's done for me lately. He's been everything. If he weren't around, I doubt I'd be getting out of bed, much less eating, sleeping, and being a person. "I think so. Not soon, but eventually."

"No one said it had to be right away. You just gotta make it through one day at a time. Okay?" He whispers and presses a feather-light kiss to my temple. "So we just gotta make it through today."

"Easier said than done." I mumble against his chest. "I know he left this message for us, but I—I don't think I can sit there and listen to it. I don't have any strength left in me, Pete. All I've got left is pain, anger, and frustration."

"That's not true. I see strength in you every day; I always have." His fingers lift my chin so until I'm looking at him. "I know it's hard, but you can do it. It's what your Dad wanted, and if it gets hard, I'll be right there next to you. Okay?"

"Okay." I nod and squeeze his hand tightly. "I know I haven't said this much lately, but I love you so much. I don't know what I'd be doing without you."

"I love you too, and I hope you never have to find out." He offers me a small smile, and we stay in silence for a long moment. "You ready?"

"As I can be all things considered." I reply and desperately hold onto his hand as we head downstairs. The rest of the family is scattered through the downstairs. Mum and Morgan are tucked together on the couch. Happy is staring out the window. Rhodey sits like a statue.

It's quiet. The kind that makes your head hurt. It echoes in your bones until they ache. All you want to do is scream to break it and its hold. Nevertheless, I stay quiet and find my seat on the couch next to Morgan with Peter pressed so close like he knows if I he doesn't, I'll shatter and fade into dust once again.

I drift out of my own body, swinging on a pendulum that allows me only a second of solidity and clarity. By the time I come back to myself, everyone's settled in and Dad's old helmet is on the coffee table. "I can't do this." I whisper and move to rush out, but I can't.

His voice stops me.

"Everybody wants a happy ending, Right? But it doesn't always roll that way. Maybe this time..." He says, and my feet and eyes are glued to the floor. It hurts to hear him, to see him—even if it's just a projection. I force myself to turn back and watch. All the while reminding myself, this is what he wanted. The least I can do is honor that.

I slowly step back towards the couch. Peter's hand reaches out for mine to guide me back to my seat and wraps around my waist. I grip his free hand like a vice and try to breathe as Dad continues, "I'm hoping if you play this back... it's in celebration. I hope families are reunited, I hope we get it back and something like a normal version of the planet has been restored. If there ever was such a thing. Gosh, what a world. Universe, now... If you told me ten years ago that we weren't alone, let alone, you know, to this extent, I mean, I-I wouldn't have been surprised, but come on, who knew? The epic forces of dark and light that have come into play. And, for better or worse, that's the reality Morgan's gonna have to find a way to grow up in, and what Lia is still gonna have to navigate.