The screen lit up, and Jin appeared.
He smiled as widely as he could, though she could clearly see the exhaustion tugging at the corners of his eyes. He sat on a hospital bed in that dull pale-blue gown, the color matching the walls behind him. The room was large, but she knew he would never be comfortable in it, no matter how spacious or polished it looked.
"Annyeong."
Jin smiled at her. At the camera.
"Okay. This is... shit scary," he laughed weakly, trying to lighten the air. The smile didn't quite reach his eyes. "So I met a girl in my first year at the new high school. This awkward-looking girl who somehow caught my attention..." His gaze softened. "You. I'm talking about you."
It wasn't his usual bright grin. It was a smile threaded with stories, heavy and worn. She could see everything in his eyes: the pain, the fear, the long nights he must have endured. Eyes that had traveled through darkness she had never even imagined.
He bit his lip, looked around anxiously, then forced another small smile. "I guess when you watch this, it'll be a year from now. And I'll probably be... gone. But hey, now that you've been in my room, rummaged through my drawer... you're kind of a girlfriend now, aren't you?"
He wiggled his eyebrows.
A tiny laugh escaped her, even as her throat tightened. If it were any other day, she would have teased him back, mimicked his voice, complained about his nonsense. But this was a video. He was gone. And she still had too many questions.
Her eyes blurred again. Why was she crying for the tenth time today?
"Don't cry when I'm not there," he pouted, crossing his thin arms. "It gives other people chances to touch you, you know." Even at the end, he tried to comfort her. That was the Jin she knew.
She stared at him, and for a split second, it felt like he was looking straight into her. As though he could see her crying in some future she hadn't reached yet.
A small smile trembled on her lips.
"I'm so sorry I'm not there to comfort you," he whispered. "I wish I could. Really. So badly." He stretched out his hand toward the camera. His fingers looked pale and fragile, thin as paper. Tubes ran across his arms and chest.
Why are there so many tubes?
Why was she the last to know?
"My point in making this video... is to clear up misunderstandings. And to remind you to smile when you look back at all this. Think of it as the beginning of your new life, since we were... an error." He pressed a hand to his heart. "Don't feel too bad. I won't either. But I'm still sorry for everything."
He inhaled shakily.
"Okay. So... I thought you'd move on faster if I rejected you right away. I thought if I made you hate me, you'd run. Instead, you didn't. And I was the only idiot playing tricks in his head."
He paused.
"Remember the phone call we had?"
She nodded instinctively.
"I didn't expect it to hit me that hard. And I didn't think you'd be that hurt." His voice cracked. "I regretted it immediately. But it was already too late. We can't change anything now."
He leaned back, shutting his eyes for a moment.
"I'm so sorry we ended things like that."
His voice grew softer.
"I just want you to smile from now on. Even if I'm nowhere to be found. They say everything happens for a reason, right? That things are planned from the start. Maybe... maybe I was just a test for you. To show you how strong you can be. So you have to find someone, okay?"
He coughed—hard—his ears turning red.
"That hurts," he wheezed, forcing a laugh. "What was I saying? Oh yeah. We have to accept this fate. Like we accept that beer goes with chicken."
She would've rolled her eyes at him if she weren't busy trying not to burst into tears again.
"And..." His voice thinned almost to a whisper. "Your smile... it was really heartwarming. You know that portrait I took of you? It's not the only photo I have." He slowly lay back against the pillow, one hand clutching his chest. "They're not with me now, though."
Even lying down, he tried to smile.
"If I fall asleep right now, I know I'll still see you. That bold girl smiling brightly inside my head. And you better be smiling too when this ends." He stared up at the ceiling, breathing slowly. Carefully. "Promise me, yeah?"
His chest rose and fell in uneven rhythm.
"Forgive me. My dying wish is for you to be happy forever."
The room fell quiet.
"I never had the courage to say this earlier... so I'll say it now." He opened his eyes slightly. "You promised, okay? Move on from me. Live your life."
"Never let your smile fade. You can cry, you can grieve... but never lose your smile."
He nodded faintly, as if reassuring himself.
"I love you."
Her lips quivered.
She mouthed the words back, breathlessly.
I love you too.
But before she could gather herself, something felt wrong.
The silence stretched.
Longer than it should.
Then the monitor beside him erupted into rapid beeping.
The sound clawed through her ears.
Doctors rushed in. Nurses shouted instructions. Namjoon burst into frame, eyes wide in panic. The camera was jostled, thrown sideways, catching only flashes of white coats, frantic hands, Jin's unmoving arm.
"Sudden arrest, doctor!"
Voices blurred into chaos.
She didn't want to understand.
She didn't want to recognize that sound.
That rhythm.
Why wasn't she there?
Why didn't she know?
Why didn't he let her say goodbye?
Namjoon grabbed the camera, his voice breaking into a whisper as he ran out of the ward.
"Stay strong, Xin Ae."
The screen turned black.
She sat frozen, breath trapped in her throat.
His heart had stopped right there.
Right in front of her.
Tears slipped down her cheeks, then flooded all at once. Her lungs felt too tight, too small, and her chest ached as if someone had reached in and twisted something vital.
She stood, sat, stood again, pacing with no direction.
She couldn't accept it.
She couldn't breathe.
A sob ripped through her, and she crumpled to the bed. She curled forward, hands shaking over her face, crying until her voice cracked into raw, broken sounds.
Beside her, the video ended in a slideshow.
Classmates.
Friends.
Moments she had forgotten, still glowing on screen.
And then the final photo.
A candid shot of them together.
Her vision blurred, but she could still make out his smile.
His eyes.
Her first love.
She cried out, louder than before.
The sound tore from her like something primal.
She slammed the laptop shut and folded herself on the bed, soaked in grief.
She hated herself for not noticing sooner.
For not seeing what everyone else already knew.
Everyone except her.
