REMEMBER TO SMILE. (bts ff)

four; xin ae

December 4th, 2013

Maybe I was just a conceited, foolish girl no one really liked. I kept telling myself it was fine to talk to him, fine to approach him, fine to care. But maybe I was the crazy one. Maybe I was the only one who never stopped to consider his feelings.

Over the past few months, I reached a conclusion I didn't want to accept:
we had stopped talking altogether.
So... we were no longer friends.

Just as I stepped into my house, my phone began ringing, buzzing desperately against my palm. When I saw the name on the screen, I froze. My hand hovered, unsure, trembling a little.

I picked up anyway.

"H-hello?" My voice wavered.

All I heard was Seokjin's breathing—heavy, strained, uneven. I wanted to ask if he was okay, but he cut me off before I could speak.

"X-xin, can I tell you something?"

"Oh, Jin-sshi... what is it?" The words tumbled out of me too quickly, too clumsily, making me sound ridiculous.

Silence.
A long, heavy silence.

Was he alright?

Then his voice returned—quiet but sharp enough to pierce through my chest.

"I heard from the others that you still have a crush on me."

I didn't respond. I didn't know how.
Should I deny it?
Should I pretend I'd moved on?
Should I admit everything and ask him what he wanted me to do with that confession?

Before I could decide, he continued.

"Sad to burst your bubble, but I never liked you. And I won't ever like you. I'd appreciate it if you could just forget about me."

Say what now.

My eyes instantly blurred. I swallowed hard, trying to steady my breathing. With whatever was left of my voice, I forced out, "Yeah... I-I know."

Barely audible, I added, "I was planning... to do that anyway."

A faint cough echoed from his side.

"Thanks for understanding, Xin."

There was another long pause—long enough for the ache in my chest to twist into something sharp. I tried to lighten the mood, even though my voice was shaking. "Yah... I'm not clingy."

He didn't answer.

He just hung up.

Goodbye.

I mouthed the word to the empty room as my tears finally spilled over.
And once they started, they wouldn't stop.

I cried like something inside me had cracked open.

And I knew—deep down, unmistakably—that after today, I could never face him again.

---

lol did u realize it was jin's bday on the date written at the top