Wait || Ashton fanfic ||

Loosing control

May POV

"We need to stop this" I said my head close to explode. Lydia and I were heading home from Luke's place and all I could think about was this date with Calum. I really didn't want to go.

"But how? I mean, you can't just say that you don't want to go; it wouldn't be fair to Calum. It seems like he kinda likes you, and saying that you don't want to go would break his little fragile heart" she looked like she was just about to cry of pity. Yikes.

"Can you like not try to make me more miserable than I already am?"

"Sorry, I was just trying to get the facts straight"

"Well I don't need facts, I need help," my sigh couldn't sound more hopeless. My hands found my hair and started pulling making me scream. This was why I didn't talk to boys. Boys meant trouble. And trouble meant someone getting hurt.

You could try not to get yourself into problems then you wouldn't need help" Lydia wore a haughty expression on her face. It was like her pointing at gun at my head, but we both new it was a toy version.

"Or you could try to control your boyfriend," I shot back at her. That was how we did. Maybe some comments were a little mean or such but we knew that the other one was kidding and we would never think about hurting each other on purpose. Or anyone for that matter.

So the day continued with the sad tone, the non-existing brush kept on painting my mood blue, and the world kept on being unreasonable. All I wanted to do was lie in my bed and choke down ice cream and watch cliché teenage love series. Just like yesterday. But the ice cream would only push buttons that would leave me with scars and my mother wouldn't let me stay another day in my bed (crying) so I went down to the playground where I ones talked to Calum.

The red swings really weren't that durable, the colour was dilapidated and the chains were brown of the rust. However, it was forever my favourite.

My surroundings were green/brown-ish since the fall was slowly entering once again. Time was going faster as I was growing older and I guess I was supposed to have some form of commitment to a boy (or a girl for that matter).

But it all came in a rush.

I haven't expected in my wildest dreams that any boy would even talk to me about other than school related things. Cause I was that girl. The girl who was a math nerd. The girl that didn't really have a talent. The girl that would rather be home in a couch than out to a party. The girl that found music as a way of feeling. The girl who only had some friends, all female gendered. The girl who was just there. The girl who didn't like taking the first step. The girl that would write about her feelings, but no one would know.

That girl.

I was that girl.

So why would anyone find interest in me?

"Just casually looking like something from a sad music video, huh?" And just like that I was thrown back to the horrible reality I live in. You know, maybe I am a Buddhist

"Well that's my day job" I smiled with my tongue between my teeth, my head tilting to the side. An innocent girl.

"Being horribly depressed in a The Fray-video?" He was leaning against the swing set, his huge upper body squeezed into a brown coat.

"You can say that, I guess I was just destined to have a crappy life" I sighed.

"Or you could just stop going on the toilet all the time" he almost couldn't hold in the giggles to finish the sentence.

"Ha. Ha. Ha. Well aren't those curls a little snappy today? " I could just picture his fabulous curls coming to life and spitting incisive remarks at me. It's just as if it's Ash's nature to defend himself, and using sharp comments is his chosen weapon. Using an attack as a defence.