The Reflection We Fear || Taekook

Chapter 20: Roses Are Red...And So Is Blood

"How did you feel?"

The clock was ticking loud in the room. There was silence because the man was waiting for him to say something, but he had nothing to say. They have been through this enough time already. They have been through all of this enough time for his fucking therapist to know how he had felt. What he felt when it happened. When he was faced with that choice. He should have known already everything and yet, he wasted time with these stupid questions.

"Mr. Jung?" The man questioned, not that it would matter considering the man could here well he just chose to ignore the question. Hoseok was really done with useless shit. He didn't really care for what the question was or who was asking it considering he didn't want to fucking come to this place. He hated coming to therapy, but it was necessary.

Hoseok's therapist, Mr. Jeon ironically enough, sighed out loud and took his glasses off placing it on his notebook where he was making notes about Hoseok's every reaction. He rubbed the bridge of his nose and his dark eyes that had heavy bags under them likely from lack of sleep. He could imagine taking on everyone's problems took a toll on a man's health. Well psychological health and after that it took a toll on the body. Because the mind did that. It had the power to ruin health in so many ways.

"Hoseok..."

"I asked you to not call me that. We are not friends." Hoseok looked at his therapist for the first time in a while. He looked bored and annoyed and tired. He knew this because he looked in the fucking mirror every morning. And saw this every morning. It was a fucking miracle how he managed to get up. How he managed to eat. To just exist basically. There was nothing to live for so, why he was here? But he did it. He woke up and tolerated the bullshit and then went back to sleep and repeated this action every fucking day. Like a robot.

"Mr. Jung," The man corrected, fixing his eyes onto his patient. "Why do you think you are here?" Hoseok was stunned. He stared at his doctor and just scoffed at him.

"What the fuck do you mean, why do I think I'm here? I am here because that was a part of the deal for releasing me. The agency can't have one of their high-end detectives in jail." Hoseok scoffed and shook his head in agitation. He hated useless questions.

But Mr. Jeon said nothing. His psychiatrist just looked at Hoseok and said nothing for a while. Hoseok knew why he was doing this. He was trying to make him feel uncomfortable to trigger some form of reaction that he was hiding. Because Hoseok was hiding a lot and his therapist knew full well. But even so, his technique was working and soon Hoseok would try and hide from the glaring eyes and that is when Mr. Jeon spoke again.

"You are here because you made a mistake that is killing you. You are here because you tried to commit suicide, Mr.Jung and your boss felt it would be good for you. That is the reason why you are here. You are here to heal. To let me help you heal but I can't do it alone." The man put his notebook and his glasses down on the table and he leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees. The pose was relaxed, and it was trying to exude comfort. "Please let me help you, because I can't if you aren't honest with me."

He was sincere. Hoseok could tell. He was different because he didn't seem like someone who was only there to act smart and mighty. He wanted to help. But Hoseok didn't want any of it. Therapy was a two-way road. If Hoseok showed no signs of co-operation than the harder, it would be for the both of them. But the problem was this...Hoseok's entire life was based around lying and trying to find a way out of things and it was a habit that was broken hard.

"What do you want to hear? That I'm thinking about death and self-harm?  All I think about is death and self-harm. That I think about the mistakes I made? Well I fucking do. I think of the mistakes every fucking second of every fucking minute." Hoseok looked at his psychiatrist and felt his blood boil. "I don't care how you want to help me. I have no job. I live on minimum wage which they're only giving to me because I kept my mouth shut. I sleep, I eat and come here. I have time to think and dwell. And I deserve all of it."