Her Vocation

33. Labayk Allah

"Naveed. What's wrong?"

I could hear Mom's worry laced voice over me; yet, didn't try opening my eyes. Her hand stroking my head on her lap didn't halt and neither the tears streaming down my closed eyes.

"I don't believe this, sir. We have looked everywhere, but still there's no sign of her. It's like someone has wiped away every trace of her. I think Captain Hadi might be involved in this some way. How else would it be possible to not have managed to find anything at all even after all this time—"

As time continued to pass, I couldn't help but think that maybe Allah, had hidden her from me.

Right after getting his call, I went to that place with Safir. He had got a tip-off that a person who looked like Aasiya, was spotted in an infamous foul part of the city. As much as I wanted to find her, I knew if I saw her there in a depraved situation, I would most likely die on the spot.

In that moment, not finding her felt more of a blessing than finding her.

And yet again today, I was once more reminded of the Jalal (glory and greatness) of Allah. How easy was it for Him to ruin me to dust today as a reparation for my sins. What could've I done, if Aasiya was in some hell hole, without any help—all because of me? How would I have been able to live on after that? If Allah wanted to put me through that misfortune, He could've and still could, very easily.

"You can run to the corners of the earth and I'll still find you."

How? How was I so blinded in my own pride? How did I not see through my own arrogance? What did I expect to get in return of my crimes except misery and pain; which I had very well sent forth through my own hands? I was reaping the fruit of my own sins and how bitter it was—

'Ya Allah—Ya Raheem—Ya Kareem—You're the most Merciful. Please have mercy on me and give protection to Aasiya, wherever she is. Without doubt, no one is more Generous than you—Please—Please don't inflict me with this painful torture of finding her in anything but a comfortable and peaceful abode. She is blameless in this ya Allah. Please—Ya Rahman, Ya Raheem—Forgive me for my countless sins—please don't punish me with her affliction—'

"Mummy?" I gulped down the lump of tears blocking my airway with great difficulty to utter those words.

"Let's go for Hajj—You, me and Khaala. I have made all preparations."

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"Labbayk Allahumma labbayk, labbayk la sharika laka labbayk, Innal Hamda wan nimata laka wal mulk, la sharika lak."

"Here I am (at Your service), O Allah, Here I am (at Your service). You have no partner. Here I am (at Your service). Praise and blessing belong to You, and the Kingdom. You have no partner."

Staring from entering the state of Ihram and reciting the Talbiyah again and again—each time with an intense feeling of subserviency and love, which kept on swelling.

As I stood there in front of Allah, proclaiming His Glory, I realized how truly blessed I was. I couldn't ever thank Him for His numerous and countless blessings that He had bestowed on me, despite my enumerable sins. If it wasn't for Allah's mercy—If He didn't guide me, then I would've died without ever getting a chance to repent for my sins.

"Whoever performs Hajj for Allah's pleasure and does not have sexual relations with his wife, and does not do evil or sins then he will return (after Hajj free from all sins) as if he were born anew." (Sahih al-Bukhari 1521)

And now, at the end of my Hajj, as I sat there in the house of Allah, following the Umrah, I had offered for Aasiya, I begged Allah to forgive me for my transgressions against her.