Her Vocation

31. Fee Sabilillah

I stood in my place watching him, unblinking. Not realising that I was holding in my breath.

I continued to gawk him from afar, until he began to close the distance with short steps. I had to suck in a sharp breath to be able to breathe again, when he stopped just a foot from me.

Unable to utter a single word, I could only watch him in a trance. His mouth curled into a small smile—the same smile that I remembered him for. He was still the same, as before. Nothing had changed—Yet, everything had.

"It's been a while." He slowly began and I felt my lips quivering from the effect of his words.

"Have you been well?" He continued, unfazed and I felt like bursting into tears, right here infront of everyone.

"I have missed you, Aasiya." He slowly added in a small voice, gazing into my eyes with a solemn expression. Unable to look at him for another moment, I walked past him and didn't stop until I had reached out into open air.

I could feel tremors running through me and had to hug myself in order to gain some control. It was becoming harder to catch a breath. I could sense an episode of hyperventilation coming on and had to take a seat on the empty bench to calm my breathing.

"Aasiya—" I was heaving for breath while staring at my feet, when I saw him coming to stand infront of me. Still, I didn't dare look up and scooted to the far side of the bench, when he took a seat beside me.

For a long while, he said nothing, but I didn't have anything to say, either.

"I am sorry. I—" He finally began and I slowly turned to look at him to find his gaze fixated on his hands knotted in front of him.

"Everything I said to you that day—You have no idea how much it killed me. The words that left my mouth were not meant for you Aasiya—I didn't mean a single thing. Please believe me—" He slowly turned his gaze up to meet mine. His face held deep regret and I couldn't watch it for another moment, so I averted my gaze.

"I sent you a voice message. Did you—" He questioned and I nodded without looking up.

For a moment, there was only silence.

"I met him, Naveed, that day. He threatened me and I couldn't stand up to him then, Aasiya. I needed to buy us some time. Or he would have hurt you—or Amo and Zahra. I didn't want to hand you over to him, but I didn't have any other choice. He was too powerful—" He explained slowly and I silently listened without interrupting.

"I did find out everything about you, myself—but that didn't stop me from falling in love with you—Neither your engagement with him—I could figure out that it was forced—I was going to tell you—but, I never got a chance—" Unbeknownst to him, his words were shaking my heart to the very core.

"Aasiya—" He beckoned me to look at him and I felt like someone had tugged at the strings of my heart. With a gulp, I tried to drown my feelings and turned in my seat slightly to look at him.

"I have always wanted to tell you everything—in the past year—So many times—but—" He watched me defeated, unable to continue without breaking down infront of me.

"When you fainted that day—I didn't want to—but I had to tell Naveed. While he took you away, I used that 1 week to gather help. I had everything planned out—I got in touch with people whom even Naveed or his father couldn't stand up against. That's when I had sent you that message. I waited for your response but it never came, instead I was blocked. I feared that, maybe he had got hold of it, so I had sent my agent to check your place out for me. That's when I found out about your Nikah and—" Instead of finishing, he gasped out a sharp breath.