one and the same - heid criminal minds

the case

most nights Spencer Reid and Aaron Hotchner couldn't sleep. it was a given working at the bau that you were bound to see some stuff that was going to keep you up. but they both get dealt pretty rough cards. 

Spencer was kidnapped and toured and ever since that sleep was something that didn't come easy. for Aaron he had his wife killed by an unsub by the name of George Foyet. they spent their nights wandering aimlessly around the house, or tossing and turning in bed. they never brought it up at work, and never let it effect heir job. Aaron had a better time at hiding it but for Spencer the dark circles under his eyes gave him away. 

tonight was no different for either of them. Spencer git up and walked around his house searching for something to do while Aaron stared up at his ceiling. he looked at his watched and read the time. 4:57 am it said. well thats a reasonable time to get up, he thought to himself as he made his way to the kitchen to fix himself a cup of coffee. 

Spencer paced for a while more before looking at his calendar. there was an early na (Narcotics Anonymous) meeting. it started at 6:00 but he could get himself ready and waste enough time to be there when it started. 

hotch always had to come in early. he was the unit chief and had more paper work to due, so it would make sense if he was at the office before anyone else. an hour after he woke up he was in a suit, at the office, and ready to go for the day. being there so early, even with the extra work to be done, his mind often drifted. and it often ended up drifting to their very own Spencer Reid. he had tried to hold back his feelings but they always got the better of them. he knew the team talked about how he favored Reid. no matter how whispered the talk he always heard. maybe because it was for his feelings for the other man, but he never tried to show them. 

little did he know that the feeling was mutual. Spencer had always liked him, since the day he joined the bau. but he had a wife, and he was his boss! he knew that it would never happen, but that never stopped him from hoping. 

hotch was focussing on his papers when he heard a knock at the door. "come in" he said. "good morning sir. we've got a case in texas." agent Jenifer Jareau said. "tell the team." he said standing up and making his way to the conference room. 

jj had already informed them of the case. 3 dead, 2 of them being cops in a small town in texas. just as she finished Spencer rushed in. "sorry im late" he said keeping his eyes down. hotch studied him trying to decide to ask or not. he decided against it and went back to work. "wheels up in 30." he said as they all left the conference room. 

it wasn't long before they were in texas and working on the case. Reid was trying his best to control his feelings, but running on so little sleep sometimes his mood swings got the better of him. and no matter how much he didnt like it today was one of those time. "he was a good man." the sheriff said referring to one of the dead cops. "a good man that doesn't have a single photo of his dead wife or only son anywhere in his entire house." Reid said pressing his lips into a straight line. hotch shot him a look trying to tell him to stop. he wondered where this attitude was coming from. Reid left with Morgan to go look at Owen, the suspects, room. 

soon enough they were out of the house and going to his school to talk to his teachers. as hotch suspected it didnt take long for Reid to mouth off again. "boys have a way of sorting these things out." the principal said when they had gotten to the topic of Owen being bullied. "yeah they sure do, right now Owens out there sorting it out with an assault riffle." Spencer said sarcastically as he watched the principals face turn to horror. "Reid." hotch said sternly queuing him to stop. Reid looked at his boss and back at the principal one more time before dropping the case file he was holding on the floor and walking out. 

Reid cursed under his breath as he walked down the hall. he didnt want to disappoint hotch or make him mad, but whatever he was saying was just coming out of his mouth, like he couldn't control it. he's stopped and rubbed his face with his hands. get it together Spencer, he thought to himself as he exited the building. 

the next thing they knew they were at the police station presenting the profile. they had all gone back and forth and now it was heating up. the local police were angry. they wanted to just get him, but the team knew better. Spencer stared in wonder as he watched hotch keep his cool while getting bombarded by the other men. but he had finally had enough. he couldn't take these guys, they were ignorant! they didnt even know what they were talking about. "his life was one torment after the other. his teachers gave up on him, his class mates bullied him, and his father blamed him while giving him access to guns. given those conditions you were actually quite fortunate" Reid said matter of factly. the sheriff looked at him with a fire in his eyes. 

"it sounds like you're saying his victims deserved it." he said taking a small step closer to the agent. "we're not. nobody deserves this." hotch said stepping in front of Reid to try and defuse the conversation. "yeah but you could've prevented it." Reid said with a tone from behind his boss. his statement shocked everybody left them at a loss for words. "Reid can I talk to you?" hotch said leaving the room, Spencer on his heels. you've really done it now Spencer, he thought to himself. he led him into an empty room and Reid closed the door behind him, waisting no time to start his rant. 

"its the truth. they could've done something. they worked with his father, they knew Owen!" Spencer said trying to get hotch to see his side. "so what? all adolescents profile like sociopaths theres a reason you can't diagnose then until they're 18." hotch said with no emotion in his voice. "yeah and they could've seen the signs!" Reid yelled back at him. "nobody sees the signs Reid you know that." hotch said with a disappointed look. Spencer looked away not being able to take it. "and making it their fault is not only unfair, its dangerous." hotch said. Spencer still wouldn't meet his gaze. "I want you to go back to the savage house and I want you to go through owens room." hotch finished. "Morgans already doing that." Reid said finally looking up. "yeah and you're gonna join him." "oh you're punishing me?" Reid defensively said. "no. im using you. you know this kid better then anybody, go find us something we can use!" hotch said now matching Reids angry tone. Reid stormed out of the room not bothering to close the door being him. hotch hated to yell at him. he had a soft spot for Spencer and only ever wanted the best for him. and Reid hated to get yelled at by him considering the fact the he had been pining after him for years. if they only knew how much they were breaking each others hearts.