𝙷𝙱𝙾 𝚆𝚊𝚛 𝙸𝚖𝚊𝚐𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚜

On My Own | Romus Burgin

I've been on a Les Miserables high recently and On My Own and Little Fall of Rain always give me good writing inspiration. So I thought I'd write something inspired by On My Own. No hate to the real Florence, of course. Mentions of death. Unrequited love.

~~~

You watched as Romus laughed with Florence, a bright smile on his face. You wished it were you making him smile. You tried not to be mad; you had no right to be mad, you told yourself.

Shaking your head, you stood up and made your way out of the bar, ignoring Snafu's knowing look. Burgie barely glanced your way as you left, no doubt.

You were lost in your own world as you wandered the streets, pulling out a cigarette and finding a stack of crates in a quiet corner to sit on. A world where Burgie was with you, laughing at some stupid thing you had done. You leaned your head back against the wall and closed your eyes, letting your thoughts run wild.

~~~

"Your date was that bad, huh?" you asked Burgie as the both of you aimlessly strolled through the park.

"Yeah. They were awful. Wouldn't stop talking about themselves."

"Forget about them. They're not worth your time."

You took a seat on a nearby bench, Burgie following your lead.

"The stars are pretty." you remarked. "They're always twinkling."

"How you manage to romanticize the smallest things always surprises me."

You smiled and watched the stars, leaning your head on his shoulder.

"You'll find the right person before you know it, Burgie."

You just wished he saw you as that person.

~~~

You had just bid Burgie goodnight after another one of his dates. This one seemed to be better than the last.

At least, it did to Burgie.

To you, the date wasn't it. They weren't the one. It hurt you that he had one failed date already; you didn't want him to get heartbroken with this one.

It hurt you that he didn't see you in a romantic light. But maybe, just maybe, if you waited...

Aw, who am I kidding, you thought to yourself.

You knew he wouldn't see you that way. You made your way out of your house and strolled to the park, looking up at the stars occasionally. They seemed to shine less and less as you kept thinking of Burgie. 

He wasn't there with you, he didn't make the normal, mundane things seem more exciting. Everything was just plain and simple. The stars were stars, they didn't twinkle mischievously.

~~~

"You still awake, Burgie?"

"Yeah. I hear the screams and gunshots every time I close my eyes."

You slid into the foxhole, offering him a few pieces of some crackers with a weary grin.

"Maybe you can get something in your stomach first. It might help you sleep."

He gratefully took a cracker and nibbled on the corner, his eyes staring off into the distance.

"I don't know how you do it. How you can still smile with all...this...around us." he gestured to the rotting bodies littering the ground.

You were silent for a moment, wondering how to answer.

"Honestly....I don't know how I do it either. I just...it helps if you have something to live for, I guess." you shrugged. "Just focus on staying alive for that something."

"What's that something for you?" he asked, yawning. 

"I'm staying alive for you." you whispered, smiling down at him. He didn't hear you though; he was already fast asleep.

"Good night, Burgie."

~~~

You opened your eyes, a wry smile on your face. Life was funny, wasn't it? All those moments you shared with Burgie seemed to be a dream. A cruel one, maybe. But a dream nonetheless.

 It was getting late. You meandered back to the stadium, admiring the stars and the moonlight reflecting off the streets. It always seemed that Burgie never realized you loved him. But if you imagined hard enough...you could feel his arm around you, feel a kiss pressed to your cheek.

Snafu found you sitting right outside the stadium when he made his way back. He sat himself next to you, looking up to where your gaze was trained on the sky.

"Best I can do at this point is to just live in my fantasy world, huh?" You laughed, but your tone was wry. It was a hopeless case, you knew.

So why did you still love him?

"I'm sorry."

"What's there to be sorry for?" You shrugged, a sad smile making its way onto your face. You paused for a moment before continuing.

"You ever wonder what would happen if you got shot? Who would miss you, how other people's lives would go on without you?"

"Sometimes, when I lie awake at night." Snafu nodded thoughtfully, then studied you for a moment and added, "You really love him, don't you?"

It was more of a statement than a question, but you nodded anyway. You took one last look at the night sky and offered Snafu a small smile.

"I love him. But only on my own."