With him

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TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️⚠️⚠️ There will be things like suicide and self harm in this small part of the chapter. Please skip this part if you don't want to read it.

I feel the tears run down my cheeks while I have a sharp blade against my wrist. I look at myself in the mirror for the last time. "Goodbye, you never deserved to live." I can feel the blade go through my wrist. It feels painless. Maybe this was my destiny, maybe god hated me so much, he wanted me to die. At least I'll see my dad again. "y/n! y/n! Wake up!"
I wake up and see Rowoon with a worried look on his face. "Are you okay? What happened?" "I'm o-okay, just... a bad dream." "Do you wanna talk about it?" "No, it's okay!" I say while fake smiling. It hurts, lying to him. He's like a little kid. "Are you sure? Do you need anything?" "I'm fine, Rowoon, really." "Okay, if you say so." He said while smiling. I swear his smile could light up a whole building! "So, what do you wanna do today?" "I don't know...Oh! Do you wanna go to the park?" "Sure, but let's eat first, okay?" "Okay, come on!" We got out of bed and I went to the kitchen. "I'm making pancakes!" "What? No, I'm gonna make something!" "Go to the table okay? I'll tell you when I'm done." "Okay." I sighed as I walked to the table. I got my phone from my back pocket and went on instagram. I received a message from Taeyang.

                           Dancer Boy🕺🏼🕺🏼🕺🏼
Y/n, do you know where Rowoon is???   
                                       Yeah, he's with me. Why?
                                                                                                                   
He's supposed to be at practice rn.
Can you tell him to get over here please?
                                                           Oh yeah, sure!
Thank you!
                                                        You're welcome!

I turned of my phone and looked at Rowoon who was done making pancakes. "Rowoon, where are you supposed to be right now?" "Here, remember we made plans?" "Rowoon, you have to go practice!" "Shoot! I forgot! Let me get my stuff! I'm just a few minutes late!" "I'll save you some pancakes!" "Thank you! I love you so much!" "I love you too!" I gave him a peck on his lips and he left. How did I forget about practice? It's my fault. I don't know how he still loves me. Why am I even alive? He deserves someone better who actually remembers his schedule. I stored the pancakes in the fridge and went to the bathroom to brush my hair. I looked in my drawer and saw my hairbrush. When I grabbed it, I saw a blade, the one I've been using to cut myself. I felt my whole body tense up. 'y/n, grab it and cut yourself. You don't deserve to be happy. You don't deserve anything. Do it. Grab the blade.'
'y/n, don't do it. You are amazing! What do you think would happen to Rowoon or the other members? Or your friends? They'll think it's all their fault! And then they'll get depressed just like you and hurt themselves like you do. Do you want them to be sad? Don't do it, please.' At this point I'm crying. I grab the blade and put it against my wrist. Should I do it? Good thing my mom isn't here, I hope she's having fun in Hawaii. I can't do it. I throw the blade across the bathroom floor and sit on the floor. I can't do it, I have to be strong, that's what Dad would want. I look at my hand and see it shaking. I carefully grab the blade and put it back in the drawer. I wash my face and brush my hair. I go to my room and fall on the bed. Why do I feel like this? Why am I depressed? When will it stop?

Hey, me! How are you? Not good? That's a bummer, sucks to be you! Anyways, hey guys! I hope you more doing well during this pandemic. I'm really tired because I'm writing this chapter at night, AGAIN! Yeah, I know, I have a really bad sleeping schedule... but whateverrrr. I'm not gonna re read this so sorry if this has any misspelling! Like always, if you are going through a hard time, please talk to someone! And if you're in danger please call the suicide prevention hotline!!! I love you guys so much!❤️❤️❤️

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