Keep Holding On (Harry Styles Fanfic)

Chapter 14

Valerie POV

I can't stop shaking from what Carly did to me.The tears come when I get to my locker. This time, I let them fall. I'm tired of holding everything in. What's the difference? No one cares anyways. But then Emily comes up to me. She doesn't say anything she just hugs me. All it takes is that small gesture of caring to make me completely break down. I'm bawling like I'll never be able to stop. Because I just realized something.

I didn't run.

When I thought Audry was going to shoot me with a real gun, I didn't even try to save my life. I just stood there. The promise of relief that death would bring soothed me at the moment. Something is wrong with me. Something is desperately wrong. I pull away from Emily, slamming back against my locker. I let myself sink down to the floor. I'm having one of those embarrassing crying fits where you're clenched in the steel grip of a scary, convulsive attack. I try taking shuddering breaths to slow down the crying, but it won't stop.

People are staring. I don't blame them. Anyone would stare at a crazy girl having a breakdown in the hall. I hate that the crazy girl is me. Who doesn't run the other way when she thinks her life is being threatened? Who doesn't fight to stay alive?

Every single day of my life is a fight. But yesterday, I gave up without even trying. I want to keep fighting, I really do. I'm just so tired of how nothing ever gets better.

Wednesday, May 11

(27 days left)

ALI WALSH KILLED HERSELF LAST NIGHT!

I can't believe it. I was just talking to Ali yesterday. She asked me to explain one of the homework problems she didn't get. And now she's....gone.

No one can figure out why she did it. No one has heard about anything horrible that might have pushed her over the edge.

"Does anyone have something they'd like to share?" Mrs. Henley asks. Jolene DelMonico raises her hand. To make it clearer she's the girl who flirted with Harry right next to me as she was trying to make her way through the isle. I can't stand her.

"I think what happened was tragic." Jolene says "Ali was so nice." Jolene sniffs loudly. She digs a pack of tissues out of her bag. "I just wish we could have done something to help her."

Bitch, please. Like you even knew her.

This is like what happened to Tyler. He was a boy who killed himself. It was all over the news. Tyler's roommate hid a web-cam in their dorm room and streamed him in bed with another boy. The next night, Tyler jumped off the Tower Bridge.

Carly and Matt and those guys make me wish I were dead all the time. I totally understand why Ali wanted to make everything stop. Being tormented day after day after relentless freaking day weighs on you. After a while, that weight becomes too much to carry. Ali needed a way out. So she took the only one she could see. If she just held on a little longer...

Harry POV

"It's been almost a week Harry,when are you going to have the balls to actually go up to her and talk to her,"Zayn said from across the couch. I was absolutely gettingready to explode. Liam was sitting next to me on his phone. Louis was next to Zayn across the couch on his laptop, and Niall was taking a shower.

"I said I would do it, I never said when" he sigh in frustration. "C'mon mate, if you don't do it now, you'll regret it later" I ignored him. I about had it. It's my life, not there's. I'm 18 years old I should be making my own choices. They don't get it. They don't get how it's so hard for me to go up to a girl who doesn't like me because I'm HARRY STYLES, but because she likes me for me Harry Styles. Not for my fame not for my money, but just because I'm myself. They don't get how she's not just some random girl, she's a girl who I feel like I've known her since before the X-Factor days, because truly when I'm around her I feel like I'm back in Cheshire, before any of this ever happened. She's apart of me, that if I let go it's like I'm letting go of my past and my real life that I had before.