Hope for T

Awake

Walking down the somewhat wide hallway, I try to keep my mind clear, but of course, it doesn't work. I look around and like always, it's close to empty. Only a janitor, and two nurses coming from the only room in this section of the private wards.

"Lizzy, how's he doing?", I ask the one I'm most familiar with. She gives me a warm smile and simply says, "He's still stable". Lizzy has been with us through everything that happened with Riyad. She's been with him everyday since he got admitted and has always been there to give us reassurance that he will survive and things will go back to normal. It's been almost five years now and she still clings to that hope that he'll be back. But over the years, my hope almost slipped away, so has my mum's and Aneesah's. They never said so but I could always see it every time we went visiting together or when Mum comes back from a visit, I could see it on their faces, slowly slipping away.

I wipe away the stray tear that made it's way down my cheek, take a deep breath and step into the room. The clean white walls greet me, a familiar one at that. I walk over to his sleeping figure. Taking a deep breath, I take in his image. He's in blue night wear, his CPAP mask strapped firmly yet comfortably around his head with the cushion covering his nose, eyes loosely shut. He looks so peaceful that for a moment I feel like he's in a better place like this than he would ever be had he been awake for the past few years. That thought doesn't stick for long as the longing for my older brother claws its way up. I really do miss Riyad. I miss everything about him. I miss the way he'd treat me like a baby even after Anie was born, I miss the way he used to wake me up for salah because he was the only one I responded to, the way he'd make fun of Nur and I for our love for ice cream when his love for it was comparable while we chomped down on tubs of it together, I miss the way he talks, the way he walks, the way freakin' breathes. I just miss him!

At this point, I've already broken down into massive sobs without even realizing it. My head protected by my arms sobs into the bed. I keep crying like that just hoping that I get to see him again. I stay like that for a few minutes, then I freeze when I feel a movement on the bed.

It can't be!

I literally can't even move because I'm too scared to find out that it's not true. Too scared to get my hopes crushed again. When I feel the movement again I almost jump until the warm skin of his hand touches mine. My head rises and as our eyes meet, the tears are set free, my heartbeats accelerate and my thoughts go haywire.

He's awake! He's finally awake. But I'm leaving,

I can't let her send me away when he just woke up. Right in front of my eyes. He's been asleep for almost five years now and he's finally awake. I can't just leave. After everything he's done for me? After everything I've caused him. I can't go back to Nigeria, if I do, who knows when next I will see him, or if I'll ever see him again. If the pain doesn't kill me then the guilt will.

A short one innit?

So, do you think Mum will still make Nadin leave for Nigeria? Lets wait and see.

Don't forget to v+c+s✌🏼❤️

Au revior night crawlers!

✨Ihsan✨