Wish I May, Wish I Might

Chapter 5

Running was also a mistake. Not that running away by itself was going to ruin my life, but if I had stayed, taken a deep breath, and calmed down before leaving, things would be a lot different right now. I wouldn't be telling you this story if I had stayed there. But instead I ran, far away from my parents and Mariana and the faculty members of the school and the girls with their cameras on their phones and the majority of the population of the town of Apple.

When the stitch in my side got to be too much, I slowed down and gulped in a few giant breaths of the damp May air. I was in a forest, close to the playground in the town. The mulch was soft under my sneakers. I felt ridiculous wearing the jersey for my team I wasn't a part of anymore, so I pulled it off and wrapped it around my waist, instead wearing my sports bra for a top. My cheeks still burned with humiliation and some residual rage. But mostly I just thought about how absolutely everyone had seen me scream and cry and have a tantrum.

I yanked on my long wavy ponytail and groaned.

When I finally managed to catch my breath, I realized that I was tired. The emotions and the running had worn me down. My nice familiar bedroom at home, filled with books and Finnick and access to a Netflix account felt like heaven to me.

There were a few little kids in the playground on the swingset. I didn't recognize the kids, but I had some faint glimmer of recognition of the mom sitting on the park bench staring at her phone. A few of the kids waved to me and I waved back as I made my way through the park.

The neighborhood was quiet as I walked the sidewalks back home. Saturdays in May are usually quiet in Apple, with few people and less traffic on the freeway, but with pretty much everyone attending the softball game, it was a ghost town. That was comforting, because it meant that I wouldn't run into anyone. I'd never wanted to be alone so much in my life.

Maybe they won't let me graduate now, the traitorous thought slipped into my head as I was four houses away.

No, I countered, albeit weakly. They must have known that I was going to do something like that. They must have expected it, right?

Tears were falling from my eyes again as I picked up the pace of my walking, desperate for the sounds of a television or music to block out the voices in my head.

I insulted the mayor, the person who made it so you couldn't play. Everyone saw it. I started running. There's no way she's going to put up with that. Maybe I'll get expelled. Maybe I'll-

"Carter!" the yell coming from my left frightened me, making my already frazzled brain panic. I spun around and someone grabbed my arms. I yelled, panicked, then found myself looking into the face of my neighbor, Tucker.

All my anger came back. "Leave me alone!" I shrieked, trying to wrench away from his grip. "I just want to be alone!"

But Tucker looked even more crazed than I did. "Carter, I figured it out!" he said.

"What?" I said, still trying to pull away. I just wanted to go home, I wanted to be alone. I wanted to be able to cry without worrying about someone filming it and posting it on Twitter for everyone to laugh at, I just wanted to be alone.

"I figured out where the blood came from!" There was a fire in my neighbor's eyes, the fire of someone who really believes in something impossible. For a split second, I regretted ever having stood up for him, for listening to his rants. Then the shame came back harder, like a knife repeatedly stabbing me.

"What are you talking about?!" My voice was becoming higher-pitched with every second that Tucker's bruising grip stayed on my wrists. I was afraid, I realize now.

Tucker's face grew into a huge, yellow-toothed smile. "The blood from the sky yesterday! It was-"

"Oh my God," I said, twisting my arms so they would be released and pushed him away just slightly. I didn't think about any of what I was doing or saying, I was just fueled by my instinctual need to get away. The words just poured out of me. "You're still thinking about that? It wasn't real!" I gasped, swiping at my face, the faces of those people in the ballpark right in front of my eyes. That had been real. "Just stop - I wish- I wish you would just stop!"

Tucker drew back like he had been burned, and I took the opportunity to turn away from him and start speed-walking to my front door.

It wasn't until I heard the gasping that it hit me.

I froze midstep, my blood filling with pure ice. Quickly, I thought over the words that had just poured out of my mouth, fueled by adrenaline and fear and anger and shame and self-hatred and so many other emotions. "I wish," I had said. "I wish you would just stop."

The gasping became louder, more panicked. I turned around. Tucker had his hands over his throat. His eyes were bulging out of his head. The veins on his hands and arms popped out with exertion as he clawed as his throat. But the most terrifying part of it all was the terror in his eyes. For what felt like ages, I couldn't move. The ice in my blood must have gone down to my feet, freezing my feet to the sidewalk.

"Tucker!" I finally yelled and ran to him. I fumbled, not knowing what to do. "Oh my God, I..." I finally gathered together some sense. "I wish for this to stop!" Nothing happened. Of course nothing happened, it was trying to take back a previous wish. Tucker's face was bright red. "I wish for him to be okay!"

The strangling continued. The gasping ended, replaced with just strangled whimpers and noises. "Help!" I yelled into the open air, knowing full well that there was probably no one around.

"Shit!" I didn't know what to do. "I didn't mean it!" I screamed into the air. "I didn't mean to hurt him, I-"

Tucker's face was turning purple.

"I wish for-"

I was cut off as Tucker's body crumpled to the ground. I crashed to my knees next to him, my hands waving around as if there was something I could do to save him. I shook my head, trying again. "I wish for-"

What I was going to say was I wish for him to live for another five years. It was the first number that came into my head and it would guarantee that he would survive past whatever the hell this was. But before I could finish, Tucker's body went still. For a glorious moment, I thought that one of my previous wishes had worked, that it had just taken a few seconds for it to catch up, and I felt limp with relief. But Tucker's hands fell to his sides, and there was no more moment.

"Tucker?" I said, cautiously.

There was no response.

"Tucker!" I said more urgently.

His eyes were open but there wasn't any life in them.

"Tucker!" I screamed, bringing my fingers to his next, looking for a pulse. There wasn't one.