The Beautiful Ones

Growing Up... 14

"How come you promised Blue a sibling?", Shawn asked me. 

"Cause I want more kids, and I am gonna have more kids in the future for sure", I said. 

We had just Blue down to sleep and now we were in my room, he was still going to be here for a good week before he had a mattress. I was getting comfortable on my bed turning on my tv, it has been a productive day. 

"Don't you think she will get the illusion we are going to have more?"

"She might the emphasis when I gave my answer was that in the future I didn't say soon, she knows time well enough to know it isn't now. Whenever we get to that future depending on the situation I will explain to her the situation, cause I don't know how I am gonna get pregnant. I got plenty of options in life."

"Options?"

"Yeah it could be you who knows or I find another baby daddy or significant other, a sperm donor, maybe a surrogate, or I can adopt a child. In all due time I will find out whenever I decide it is time."

If looks could kill I be dead with this dude he was mad at the idea of the baby not being his, I get it but we are not together. I never said I was getting pregnant right now or in the next months coming along, it is kind of obvious. 

"Look you can be mad at the idea of being with someone else but there is always a chance of that being a reality. I could be married and it not be you or it could be you, don't be quick to get offended. Remember how you ended up being my ex you got mad at me and went to go live with other girls."

"I hate when you become a philosopher on me, and I hate the idea of you having someone else's kid. You are right about the kid thing we never know, I might or might not be having another baby soon."

"You're good I just gotta check you, don't get too comfortable with the idea of easily getting me or that you are somehow you have control on me. How do you feel about possibly having a child?"

"I am nervous won't lie I just don't want to get my hopes up and it be that dudes baby, my gut tells me it is his. The baby doesn't match my time line with her really if the baby is mine I am not going to mess up this one. I filed for a paternity test and if it is I requested that we have a 75/25 custody, I have caught her drinking and smoking. I submitted the proof of it to my lawyer I don't want that child to be put in more problems with her."

"Everything happens for a reason, I can only imagine how you feel being in that situation. If the baby is yours and you need help with a new born I am here, I am all hands on deck to help you especially through sleepless nights. If he is not your son I am here as a friend if you need a cry and don't act like you don't cry, I have seen you cry. I am always your friend remember that I am never gonna go tell anyone your business."

"Thank you Bey", he kissed my forehead. 

He kissed me and I feel like a teenager in love with all these emotions running through my head, but I am not a teenager and I am not getting any further than that. I am just praying that mattress gets here sooner and we sleeping in separate rooms. 

I decided to get my laptop and pull up some of my work see what I could do right now to keep my mind off of him. That failed when I ended up going through the old pregnancy stuff all over my phone, and he started looking at everything. I had a bunch of videos of Blue as a baby as well and we were both dying over them. 

"You make me want another one", he said.

"I am making myself want another just looking all of this and right now is not no time to have a baby."

"Imagine if focus on imagine if we decided to make a sibling for Blue and we raised both of them together. We do it for Blue and benefit slightly seeing the baby grow up while I swoop you in my arms and marry you when the time is right."