Endings Beginnings

Deny me

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Napasalampak ako sa upuan sa kwarto ko ng hanggang ngayon eh wala akong mahanap na pangalan na "Adam" since hindi ko alam yung last name niya. Yes, I lied to Dennis when I said that I'm busy. Sue me.

I'm just curios.

That's what I said ng umupo ako at simulang hanapin siya sa mga friends list ni Cherry. That was an hour ago.

Napabuntong hininga ako ng unti unti kong nararamdaman ang pagkainis. Bakit yung ibang babae parang mga FBI at ang bilis mahanap yung mga crush nila, ako hindi!

Nanlaki yung mata ko ng narealize ko kung ano yung sinabi ko.

No, no that's not what I meant. Curios lang talaga ako!

Yes, I'm just curios.

Tumayo na ako sa kinauupuan ko at humiga na sa aking higaan at binaon ang mukha ko sa unan.

Who am I even fooling?

I sighed loudly at nagpapadyak sa higaan. This is so frustrating!

I have never been this kind of girl before. Someone who's affected so badly by a stranger. A person that you barely know nothing about, I scoffed, except the name.

Napalingon ako sa table ng narinig kong may nagtext, it's probably my friends. Tinatamad akong tumayo kaso tunog ng tunog yung cellphone ko, ah it's probably Dennis. Halos gumapang ako pababa sa higaan dahil sa katamaran para lang makuha yung phone.

And I was right, si Dennis nga.

Totoy lumaban ka gc

Napailing ako sa pangalan ng group chat namin.

Yep, si Dennis ulit ang may pakana.

Fruit:

How's you and your cards? @Dentist

Dentist:

Not so good may asungot 'dun sa room :/

Fruit:

Asungot?

Dentist:

yung lalaking nakabunggo ni @Beth Anne

Muntikan kong mabitawan ang cellphone ko ng mabasa yun. Napaungol ako, so much for staying home!

Good job, Beth Anne!

Fruit:

Why is he in that room?

Oo nga! Bakit 'nan doon siya? Agad kong binasa yung ibang text.

Dentist:

Feeling close sa taga ibang section, duh

And THE AUDACITY!!!!!

Fruit:

Really? I was so not aware of that.

Dentist:

Talaga lang ha?? Ikaw di aware? Hala I am so shook @_@

Back to cottonbud, gusto nya din daw magpahula LIKE!!

Fruit:

Cottonbud tf hahahaha and did you?

Don't answer me. Of course you didn't.

Dentist:

sabi ko di na kaya ng powers ko hehehe

Fruit:

Hahahahaha, I knew it :3

Dentist:

HOY @Beth Anne

HOY @Beth Anne

YOHOOOOOO??

Fruit:

She's busy dba?

Dentist:

Tama nayan inuman na!!

Jokes onli.....unless.....

Napalumbaba na lamang ako at tinamad ng mag reply kaya nagsend na lang ako ng thumbs up. Dinamba ko ang unan sa higaan ko as I try to deny the little frustrations, slowly eating me.

Present time

Denial is in human nature. We love to deny the facts that may make us seem vulnerable.

If denials' a poetry, it'll probably go like,

A war against men,

Protect thy selves with spikes and fence

Climb your tower and watch them bleed

But all you'll take is grass that's green,

For the spikes' inside and bloods are in

It was you, wasn't it?

The enemy you need to heed.

The abundance of acceptance in your heart is a slowly ticking timed-bomb. The unwittingly self-destruction we create for ourselves.

You think denial will help you in coping situations that you think are too much.

To protect you. To protect me.

But it doesn't really. It only distracts you for a minute but the problem is still present.

I've denied so many feelings while high from his attention. It's so addicting that I failed to notice all the signs.

I smiled to myself, what we do for love, huh?

I should write down that poetry I just did. It all starts with those little, tiny things. We unconsciously deny those until suddenly, it becomes something you'd never expect because you... no, I,

I denied those things, which over time, slowly built up.

And baam! It has eaten me alive.

I brought out my phone to start typing down the poem. I opened my notes and ah, surprise, surprise.

It wasn't there anymore.

Those honest letters I made. So simple minded, huh. I typed all my growing feelings before. Before it became growing pains. And it has gone down to one of the proudest things I did in my life, pressing the delete button for those letters.

No retrieval, just permanently.

I hummed as I recall things.

Life was so simple back then, tamang crush lang sa mga taong nacu-cutan ka o kaya sa mga nakikita mo sa hallway. And the best part is, the more the merrier. Ang saya kaya ng crush-phase, no need to get worked up if ever you found out na may crush silang iba.

Next crush, please! Thank you.

Pero cinareer ko 'ata ang pagiging loyal tulad ng mama ko. I stuck to one guy. One guy who didn't fail my expectations in making me experience all the crazy stuffs.

And oh yeah, let's not forget the pains too.

And his name wasn't 'Adam', its Eve.

Eve Adamson.

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