Endings Beginnings

Invisible lines

First year of high school

Halos mabingi ako sa lakas ng pintig na puso ko.

Twice, that's how many times I regretted not giving a particular time to check myself in the mirror before going out.

Before-- when I was in grade 5 and today.

I was such in a hurry back then—diretso ligo and off I go—akala ko kasi late na ako para sa school na hindi ko napansin na puno pala ng kagat ng langgam yung pisngi ko.

Blame those rambutan I ate on my bed.

Today, where right now, I'm pretty sure my hair is in its usual look, sabog. Given that I have a thick hair, salons would always convince me to have my hair straightened, which I have said no, constantly. But right now, if they asked me at this very moment, I might say yes.

So here I am, standing in the doorway, trying hard not to sell myself out by not touching my hair too much.

It was a normal day until bumalik kami sa classroom from canteen after having our lunch. And tada! He was sitting on my spot, on my spot! Laughing and throwing his head back as if he has heard the funniest joke in his life.

"Anong ginagawa niyan dito?" Dennis blurted the question I've been meaning to ask.

Nagkibit balikat si Cherry at nagsimulang maglakad papunta sa pwesto nila Adam.

Saying his name feels so...weird?

Should I practice saying his name?

"Hey! What brought you guys here?" Bati ni Cherry with familiarity. I tilted my head a bit, too familiar.

"'Di ko alam na medyo close pala sila?" Nilingon ko si Dennis sa sinabi niya, nababasa niya ba yung iniisip ko? Gosh.

"Maka-niyan ka naman." Tumawa ako ng kaonti para maalis yung kabang nararamdaman ko. Tumingin sa akin si Dennis mula sa malalim na tingin niya sa pwesto nila Adam.

"I believe in hate at first sight. Ewan ko ba, I'm getting this 'I'll fuck your life up' kind of a vibe from him." Linagay pa niya ang dalawang kamay niya sa bewang niya at tumingin sa kisame na tila bang may ina-alala.

Sumimangot ako sa kaniya, "You should stop that. Napaka judger mo talaga."

"Trust me, I mean it this time. Ka-vibe niya yung-" Naputol yung sinasabi ni Dennis ng biglang tinawag kami ni Cherry.

Oh, here we go.

Cherry ushered us sa harap ng mga taga ibang year. Lima sila doon at dalawa lang ang kilala ko at yung iba ay pamilyar na lamang dahil nakikita ko sila sa hallway at sa canteen.

"Guys this is my friends, Dennis and Be-"

"Bi!" Agad kong putol kay Cherry ng sasabihin niya sana ang buo kong pangalan, but I think I blurted it too loud. Way too loud.

"Uhm, just call me Bi." Tumingin ako sa sahig dahil sa hiya kong nararamdaman.

I did speeches for events with hundreds of people before and I never, even once, felt shy and nervous.

Ngayon lang! Who is he!

"Okay, Bi." Napatingin ako kung saan nanggaling yun and for the love of god!

Never have I heard my name in such sound!

Ngumiti siya sa akin, showing his dimples in his right cheek. My breathing shortened. Can I curse? Just once, please?