Footballer's hijabi wife

39. Caught

A/N:
Salaam everyone 💓💓💓💓 i hope all of you are well.. thank you for reading this book. You are a real one if you are 39 chapters in!!!!!!!! Also thank you for the update requests, it warms my heart that you guys actually love this book and can't wait to go on reading it!!!!!! How cute is that?????? Sorry for the late update.. I was on a writer's block.. I couldn't concentrate for even 5 minutes and I was so busy with life 😫. I hope you guys like this one still :) Enjoy and don't forget to VOTE and COMMENT!!!

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AQSA's POV**
I am so afraid of speaking right now. I know what this would cause. I didn't want it to happen but I couldn't stop myself. I tried but I couldn't. I badly wanted to turn back time to when we were newly weds having dinner on our honeymoon. Him carrying me to my room. Me being so shy to even look him in the eyes.

Sunset dinner.

His green  eyes glowing under the full moon.

A simple touch.

Our first kiss.

Not now. I was broken and unhappy.

I wanted to go back.

It is not Youssef's fault. It is not. Is it mine? Is it my fault because I can't help myself?

I want to be happy again. I want to be happy with him, Youssef! I just didn't know how to be happy again.

I don't know the amount of times I cried in the bathroom in the morning and at night. For sometime it became routine to cry in the morning. I'd wake up at night worrying and lock myself in the bathroom crying. I hid it for months. Things were getting better for Youssef and how could I hold him back? How could I tell him that I was unhappy?
That despite his consistent efforts I was still unhappy. That it was still not enough for me.

How?

'Aqsa, what is this? What is going on?'

'I'm sorry you shouldn't have seen it.' Is all I could say. I couldn't find better words.,

'Well I did and I need you to explain this to me.'

'It's nothing!' I try to shut the drawer but his strong hand stops mine. I had no chance.

'Nothing? Aqsa, there's like more than 20 used pregnancy tests inside here.'

'how to deal with infertility' he examined the Article that I had in there too...

'what do you mean nothing!'

I look at him defeated. I don't know what to say.

I was still desperate about getting pregnant. My mind was stuck to it. Some women get difficulty getting pregnant after a miscarriage and I desperately didn't want that to be me.

I never thought it would be me.

I never thought I'd struggle to get pregnant at all.

So I could not stop testing myself every time I thought I could be pregnant I took the test.

Some women were so fertile after a miscarriage, I wanted it to be me. The fear of infertility got me obsessed. I took some tests at the hospital they said everything was okay but I was still scared. Terrified.

Why was it not happening. We were our happiest when we found out we were going to be parents.

'Aqsa, why aren't we talking about this. I thought we did.'

'Yes exactly, that's why we are not talking about this,  because we did and you said what had to be said Youssef. Beautifully.  And I heard you but I couldn't stop myself. I can't stop obsessing about the fact that something could be wrong with my body.'