Kanye was in his room chompin' on some cornbread while watching some nasty websites on his laptop. He had to sneak food in because Kris had a policy of no Soul Food because it was to greasy and was making her family too thick.
He was enjoying himself until Kim Buttashian came ruffly into the room bumping over furniture with her wide hips.
Kanye: "Oh shit!"
Kim: "Hey, Kanye...do you want to go to Clay Aiken's birthday party with me?"
Kanye: "Hell naw! You always tryna make me go and see these goddamn white folks! It's too many of them already!"
Kanye felt like the white race were taking over these days and Obama was lucky to escape their wrath. Kim frowned at his rudeness. She didn't like Kanye's nigga attuitude lately. She didn't like him acting too black.
Kim: "Kayne, it's going to be so much fun!" She shouted.
Kanye: "Clay Aiken?!? Who the fuck is-"
Then Kris Jenner came into the room with some dark cookies. He thought she was being races because she had black cookies but he was relieved when he saw some white cookies.
Kris Jenner stayed money hungry and paid all her daughters to act slutty to make quick bucks these days because everybody was in a recession lately. She always had the idea to point out everybody else's mistakes than her own.
Kris: "What's the problem in here you guys?"
Kris was happy to see Kanye West in her million dollar house because she only saw him once every year. But he always came over when there were paparazzis in the neighborhood. He would hide on the roof so they wouldn't get him. He was worth money.
Kanye: "Mind your own business old lady!" Kanye held out his fist.
Kim: "Kanye, stop being rude to my mom!" Kim was going to defend her mama, whatever the cost.
Kanye: "I'll stop being rude when you stop getting Botox!"
Kris gasped. She didnt say anything this time because Kanye pulled out a butter knife on her last time when she tried to jump into their fights. She swore not to do that. mistake again.
Kris used her hand and handed them a cookie. Kanye hesitated when she gave him the darkest cookie on the pan and gave Kim the good looking black one. He bit into the cookie anyways. He gagged and 3 of his teeth fell out. She stared at him and smiled. He assumed she was trying to poison him to collect his million dollar Life Insurance policy. He knew her old ass was money hungry.
Kanye: "Damn! These cookies are burnt!!" He spat them out.
Kris: "That's how they suppose to taste, Kanye. No Soul Food!"
Kanye: "Eghh...this shit taste like dog food! I need some nigga food."
Kris: "Remmeber..no Soul Food or nigger food here! No fried chicken, collard greens or Kool-Aid."
Kanye drew back his fist and rushed out of the room into the kitchen. Kris looked at Kim.
Kris: "Kanye is soo disrespectful! He needs to go Kim!"
Kim: "I love Kanye's burnt, black ass. I will never leave him unless someone pays me 3 million dollars....but that's not the point mom. I love Kanye with all of my plastic body parts and your old crusty ass needs to believe that!" She smiled. She was always so positive.
Kris: "Okay. I guess he can stay in the family a little bit longer so we can collect some more money from him."
Kim nodded. Then they heard Kanye yelling in the kitchen and they ran downstairs. Well, Kris ran but Kim couldn't run because she was too fat. She had to take the elevator marked Heavy Load...Don't Exceed 700 Ibs!! Kim was covered because she only weighed 699 Ibs.
Kris shouted when she saw Bruce Jenner knocked out on the ground. He had the microwave in between his plastic face.
Kris: "What's going on here??! Is Bruce still alive because he needs to pay his million dollars in child support money!"
She watched Kanye grab his salad with force and sat down at the table and poured him some liquor.
Kanye: "That tran looking Ellen Degeneres look alike bitch tried to toss my salad!!"
Kanye nibbled on his crewtons and bacon bits.
Kris: "I don't see why you had to knock him out. It isn't all about you Kanye. I need him alive alittle bit longer so my check will come in!
Kanye: "Look here old lady....he was tryna toss ma salad and you know I don't play that gay bullshit!"
The wide elevator opened and Kim finally was there. She was huffing and puffing and tried to scoot out the elevator, but she went nowhere.
Kim: "I have never stood up that long! I am too tired!"
Kanye rolled his eyes and went H.A.M on his salad. Kim's other sisters Kendall and Kylie just watched their sister struggle from the couch. Kris looked at them and shook her head.
Kris: "You girls don't do anything but sit and collect money from your father!"
Kendall and Kylie looked confused. She was such a big hypocrite.
Kendall: "Which one?"
Kris: "Both of them! Rob and Bruce! You girls stay money hungry! That's a shame!
Kim: "Tell 'em mom...."
Kanye: "Damn! This whole family is dysfunctional!"
Kanye jumped over Bruce Jenner and tried to help Kim out of the elevator at least.
Kanye: "Wait....I have an idea!"
Kanye ran to the garage and got a long chain. Kim was still crying for no apparent reason.
Kim: "My butt is hurting!"
Kanye: "Get your fat ass up!"
She got the long chain and wrapped it around her waist. It took him a while to wrap it all around her waist and he used the end of the dog chain and ran outside. He tied it to the end of Kris' Range Rover. He show'll wasn't about to use his damn car.
Kanye: "Okay....ONE....TWO...THREE!!!"
He gunned the Range Rover and it started skidding out of control. But slowly but surely Kim's heavy ass was scooting out of the elevator with the chain tided to her waist. She started crying again and she was finally out of the elevator as soon as Kanye ran out of gas.
Kanye: "Damn this gas was full bout time I got in here!"
He turned off the engine and he saw Kris clapping and cheering.
Kris: "Yes! I pushed her out!"
Kendall: "Mom, I think that was Kanye who pushed her out. Not you."
Kris: "Kendall, what did I tell you about that lying! Go and be useful and help your father's face out of the microwave before he spends more of my money on plastic surgery!"
Kylie: "Damn. Does everyone in this family have plastic surgery except me??!"
Kris: "Yes, Kylie. It's a family tradition and your appointment is scheduled for tomorrow morning. You need a little work done on your lips. You need lips like Kim's in order to stay in this fake family. Yours is too small and you probably need some boobs also."
Kylie: "I like my lips the way they are." She frowned.
Kris: "It's not cute! Kendall didn't need any work because she uses her mouth a lot."
Kendall: "Just get it done...Kylie. Theres no escaping. She drugged me and threw me in the back of a van when I refused to get my tits done.
Kylie: "I'll just run away then!"
Kris: "No! You are worth too much! Then the next thing you know a perv is going to get a hold of you and hold you up for ransom! Kylie....people only want you for your money! Nobody is your friend. Not even your sisters. Their money hungry too! That's why you don't see Khloe or Kourtney that much because they kept stealing money!"
Kendall and Kylie just looked at each other. They knew that wasn't true. But Kanye was too busy breaking his back to get Kim's heavy ass on her feet. He was sweating buckets.
Kanye: "Finally!"
Kim: "Thank you Kanye! I love you and my butt does too." He kissed her and her butt.
Kim: "Make sure to kiss both cheeks." He kissed both cheeks.
