Creepypasta Experiences/ Research

Entry #8

^ BTW this is how the view is from my flat. It was 6 pm when I took this, and it's from the third storey of the building. I know much can't be seen because of the lights, maybe it'd been better if I'd waited till it was a bit darker, but anyways I just wanted to show it because it feels presentable, as opposed to a face reveal or the Operator symbol cut on my leg

I actually don't have much to say, but I think I'm a bit better. Maybe I just over reacted over that, should be. I can't keep on concentrating on this because it's seriously hampering my studies and my behaviour, I can keep up a good pretence but people will start to think that it's not right and maybe finally see through, and I'm damn sure its not gonna be good in anyway. I'm having terrible mood swings and all that, my classes are not going ok and I can't score a perfect 20/20 on the exams. It's really stressful and now's only the mock tests.

Well, for now, I'm just gonna clarify a bit on how it started.

It was all MY DAMN FAULT. MY OWN. (Well when is it not?)

So see, I'd gotten into the CP fandom from early March, reading legit horror stories. By April I'd somehow moved onto the more "famous" pastas as in BEN_Drowned, Jeff The Killer, Slenderman, you get the idea. And, well, I just started fishing out these ones to read, since apparently they had a greater fan following and I'd been out of a fandom for so long, I just wanted to belong to a community again. Mind you, I started off as a Toby fangirl (Thankfully I've kinda matured at least a bit to NOT fall for fictional serial killers anymore) and so maybe you could imagine how annoying I was to others. Come May, I read up bout proxies and all that, the proxy trials, you know? Then I was like, "Wow maybe I could try this too, it probably won't work and even if it does, what have I got to lose?"

Everything. I got every damn thing to lose.

I spent whole May researching on that topic primarily, attracting Slenderman so that you have his attention, fishing out obscure articles, trying out the pledge, going on Wattpad (they've got a nice collection of all those), trying some variations of my own. It kind of became a ritual (ritual, mind you. It wasn't any urge) for me to draw the Operator symbol and read the pledge before going to bed. I've said it out loud only three times tho, mainly because I look like I'm practising witchcraft while I'm doin that. I've got it memorised perfectly by now.

When anything didn't show up after, like, late May, I decided it was useless and gave up on it because it was dumb. By now Toby had wore off coz I was tired of my brother shipping me with him and Jeff (I hate this guy btw).

Then came my bday at June. And that weird phase from February, it started again.

I felt like I was being watched, all the time, and that shit makes me feel so uncomfortable. It happened for only a few days tho-- I'm pretty sure it stopped by the beginning of July, when SSR died and I was too busy caring about that. I felt like it had stopped, permanently, and I'd be in peace and live a boring life.

Peace doesn't exist in this world, does it?

And so here I am now, recording everything in a feverish attempt to let people know that this happens. Don't try it. Please don't. The Proxy Pledge might not work irl and it might just be paranoia, but it's effing hard to back away from that, I'm telling you. Don't try doing this, don't try researching or anything like this, I'm warning. The only reason I'm doing this is to let people know that it happened, it was real, it isn't worth it. And also because I need to know what's happening to me. Maybe others who've experienced this can help me out?

I'm just signing off here, I've got a headache again and I don't feel good doing this. I'll try again tomorrow (hopefully).

Bye for now--