Trying

Chapter Four

Then it happened. I apologize for using such a vague and cliché statement, but I don't think I can elaborate on what 'it' was without another breakdown. In fact, if it weren't for the panic attack I had already just had, I probably could've launched into one that would send me to the ER.

Iain stayed put next to me as I struggled to take my jealous eyes off of where Garret and Lyndsey were sitting across the food court. In all honesty, I was expecting Iain to leave me. I had planned on him leaving, actually. Guys just did that when I talked about my problems. But Iain stayed seated next to me, sipping noisily from his cup of ice. Maybe the entire male species wasn't as emotionally incompetent as I had initially thought.

"I'm assuming you wouldn't like to talk about it?" whispered Iain cautiously, still staring at the couple politely as I hastily wiped at my eyes.

"No," I whispered back with a croak.

"Okay." Iain continued mindfully looking away from my face, letting me compose myself as privately as possible in the Friday-night mall crowd. "Want to go to Barnes and Noble?" he suggested. I nodded and allowed myself one final tear-clearing swipe before standing and letting Iain lead me to the bookstore around the corner. He positioned himself so that my wet, puffy face was blocked from the sight of any passing shoppers, which I was internally grateful for.

We reached the store, and the first book Iain reached out to show me was a biography about some World War Two hero I had never heard of before. I blinked hard to rid the still-flowing tears and swallowed forcibly as well. Honestly, the last thing I wanted to do was stay at this store longer and chance seeing Garret again.

"Alan Turing?" I asked, and my voice cracked in the slightest. I coughed quickly to hide it, and Iain flipped through the pages of the book as though he hadn't noticed.

"He was an amazing mathematician in the forites, Britain. Paved the way for the modern-day computer and shortened the war by at least two years."

It wasn't that interesting to me, but I felt I had to prove I was emotionally stable, so I muttered a reply. "Why haven't I heard of him?"

"He was charged with 'indecency' because of his homosexuality, and never credited for his work on the secret project until a few years ago. But that's not the point." Iain left me slightly intrigued as he looked for a specific page.

"Here. 'We can only see a short distance ahead, but we can see plenty there needs to be done.'" Iain finished the quote and smiled earnestly at me, watching my face slowly unravel into understanding and appreciation for this momentously perfect assembly of words. I was still quite upset over Garret's obliviousness to my affection for him, but words often made it better, if I could take my mind off of my silly crush enough to appreciate them.

"How did you find out about Alan Turing?" I asked Iain, really just wanting to be polite.

Iain's face broke into a reminiscent grin, and he ran a hand through his hair. That must have been a habit of his, because he did this often. Not that I kept track or anything. Not like I have a habit of recording real life habits for my characters.

"At my last school, I was involved with an interesting group of people," Iain started, never dropping his grin. "There were three child prodigies, two adopted nerds, a handful of geeks and fangirls, and a young, genius hacker and pro mathematician named Harvey."

"Interesting group indeed," I commented with a disbelieving tone. My eyebrows did the thing, to which I groaned internally.

Iain smirked at my stupid eyebrow habit before going on. "Harvey told me about Alan, how this unknown, dead man had become his hero. Alan Turing needed to be remembered, he said. I needed to see his story for myself. So I became I giant Alan Turing nerd. I probably have half this book memorized."

I couldn't help but grin at his enthusiasm. History wasn't that exciting to me, but if Iain was this invested in it, I wasn't going to judge him for it. 'Nerd' really is a positive word to me. I'm proud of others' level of obsession.

"You want to pick out your comic books now?" Iain asked, disrupting my thoughts.

"Oh, yeah. I almost forgot you had to bribe me for my companionship," I teased, leading Iain to the small shelf of book-bound comics.

"Unfortunately, this was the only way I could get you to come," Iain retorted, then stuck his tongue out at me like we were childhood friends. I admit that it felt so comfortable, we might as well have been siblings.

"So, what kind of comics do you like to read, nerd?" he said with a grin as I knelt to scan the shelves.

"Lots. Miss Marvel, Spider Gwen, stuff like that."

"Woah," Iain said with overzealous awe. "You really are a nerd."

"Shut up," I muttered as I grabbed the least expensive book on the shelf. I didn't want him to spend too much money on me, especially when he made this mall trip so easy and dealt with my crap all night.

When we emerged from the store carrying the shiny-covered masterpiece, my eyes immediately found Garret's as he passed across the opposite side of the second floor. I tensed, unable to think anything besides 'he didn't choose you'. Our gaze held even as we walk, and my heartbeat sounded like dim humming. This isn't a cute crush. This is a terrifying, monstrous infatuation. I wish I could escape it's grasp.

I jump at Iain's touch. He's slipped his hand casually into mine, not holding on too tight. I look down at our hands, and I've subconsciously curled my fingers over his. It feels like he's shielding me, momentarily, at least. When I meet Iain's eyes, he's nodding, understanding how much he's guarding me.

When I look back at Garret a moment later, he's turned away, looking at the floor in front of him. I breath out shakily, then pull back my slick hand from Iain's. "Thanks," I whisper.

It, like everything I've told Iain so far, is met with a beaming grin and a personal feeling of reassurance. "No problem."