I looked her in her eyes and just how hurt she was. I had seen that look before. I shouldn't have, but I had. And then I looked at her stomach -- she was holding it -- she rubbed it in cirles a little and then I heard her sigh.
With her voice breaking she asked, "So it's true?" her eyes became glistened as sh now stared me in the eyes, "all of it's true? One of my fears has came true.." she turned around and headed for the bed, still holding her stomach.
"This has nothing to do with Justin.." I whispered as I kneeled down in front of her.
"That's not my worst fear anymore Rayan..." she stared at me, dead in the eyes, eyes that could kill, "When I realized... or when I thought you really did love me, my worst fear wasn't that he'd find me again," she half-heartedly chuckled, "my fear then became that you'd stop loving me. Or that you'd have me out here looking like a plum idiot. While I'm here!" she yelled and touched her chest, "loving you! Taking care of our kids, and having our kids... And you.. Cheated on me.." she chuckled again, "again! For that part, again! I let you fool me too many times and I stayed with you because I thought you'd change, and because I love you!" she started crying. This was going to make my head spin. I couldn't stand seeing her cry. "What am I going to tell our kids, Rayan?"
"Nothing." I held her hands as tight as I could, "nothing, because we're gonna make this work," she chuckled, "we're gonna get through this because I love you. I didn't marry you for no reason."
"To screw me over? Is that it? I've forgiven you over and over and over and I'm so sick of you screwing around with me. I thought you'd treat me better than Justin, but I was wrong, you're still causing me just as much hurt as he ever did, if not more!"
"I've never laid a hand on you!"
"You don't have to!" she yelled, "he beat me, yes, but you know what? I knew he never loved me, so I didn't expect him to... But you..." she said between clenched teeth, "I loved you, and I did not expect you to screw over my feelings for you, and our family, like you have." she stood up and went into the closet.
"What are you doing?" I wiped my eyes, "Aileen, fucking answer me!"
"I'm going..." she was holding a polka dotted black and white overnight bag in her hand, "I don't know.."
"You can't leave me... I don't know what I'd do i-"
"I do... You'd run to Jacinda, probably even get her to move in.. Since she is caring your child. And me? I'd move out with the kids, and for the rest of their childhood I'd hear 'I miss daddy' and think it's my fault, but no, you brought this on yourself."
_____
"Okay okay okay, wait one minute... You cheated on her... Again?!" Daniel almost shouted at the bar.
"Another shot please," I said as I downed the fourth, "and yeah, that's what I said. Can't take it back now."
"You're an idiot. I complete idiot. First time, that's one thing, but... no Rayan, she's leaving you." he took another drink of his beer.
Who could blame him? He was right.
_____
Aileen's POV
"I was not going to cry. I refuse to cry over him cheating on me again. I had kids, three kids, actually, to take care of and I wasn't going to let him ruin it by screwing with me.
But man, did I love him. I loved him so much. It hurt sometimes, how much I cared about my husband and everything we'd been through-"
"This is stupid." I breathed and put the pen down and closed the journal, "I haven't written in this thing in years, what good is it going to do now? Nothing. Absolutely nothing." I sighed and wiped my eyes, "I thought I told myself I wasn't going to cry.." I chuckled slightly. "Am I stupid?" I looked at this cross that hung in Rayan and I's.. Well, right now I didn't know who's bedroom it was, room. "Am I crazy for still loving someone who keeps cheating on me? Should I give him another chance? But my girls.. I don't want my girls to think that's okay when they find out the truth when they're older. And my boy.." I touched my stomach, "I don't want him to think he can do that to someone he's supposed to love.." I let my thoughts out spore into the air like anyone was sitting directly next to me and capable of responding to my plea of help at the moment. "When in doubt, pray it out." I mocked my father's words and prayed in my head, "Amen," I sighed and stood up and grabbed my stomach, "wow.. you're kicking me tonight aren't you?" I smiled a little, "I love you sweet baby."
I tried taking my mind off of things by watching some tv. I didn't know where Ray was and I didn't care at the moment. He was probably at one of his friends house and that's where I wanted him to stay for the time being, until I figured out what I wanted to say to him.. If I could say anything else to him other than tell him how he made me feel, sometimes that wasn't enough..
___
Rayan's POV
"Man, I thought you quit smoking?" Daniel asked. I side-eyed him as I lit my cigarette, "you know what, you probably need it right now, imma shutup."
I inhale, "that'd be nice." I blew some smoke in the air and shook my head. "I'm not the same man I sued to be."
"Yeah, now you're even more stupid."
"You're supposed to be my bestfriend.. I don't need the shit right now." I inhaled once again and quickly blew the smoke out my nose.
"Well you know what motherfucker, as your bestfriend, I'm telling you, you're stupid."
"The hell?" I snapped, "you have no right to-"
"Tell the truth? You're an idiot. You have an absolutely perfect life. Great job, fucking amazing wife, great kids.. and you wanna throw that all away for some thot that's not worth a quarter? Man, ain't nothin' out there!" he yelled, "Nothing is out there, man. You have your life! Your wife, and kids and that's still not enough for you? You have to have your cake and eat it too, huh? We're not in high school anymore, Ray! We're grown! We're married! Ain't shit else we can do from now on expect be good fathers, and for you to get your wife back.."
"She hates me.." I inhaled again, "and I don't blame her."
"She don't hate you." I blew out my smoke, "be happy because she's so upset right now."
"Why?"
"Because when she's not upset, and not crying, and not making you feel like shit for doing what you did, that means she don't care... and that's when you need to start worrying."
___
Those shots did nothing for me. I could hold my liquor, so I knew I wasn't seeing things when I pulled up to the house and saw a vehicle already there.
It was 1:23 a.m. last time I had checked my phone. I pulled out my keys and was gonna start unlocking the door until I heard yelling. I scrunched up my eyebrows and opened the door.
"Rayan!" I heard Aileen yell my name, but I wasn't looking at her, I was looking at the figure standing in front of her as she sat on the floor of the living room.
"Oh, so nice of you to join us." they turned around and smiled.
I knew that face anywhere, "Justin.."
___
Sorry for any typos :)
