American Teen-the Sequel

Try Harder

I knew moving back to the flat would be hard for George. It was above the joke shop that was Fred and his dreams since they were kids. He had lived with Fred just down the hall here. I thought it would pass after a few days though. I was so so very wrong. 

It had been two weeks since George moved back and he hadn't left Fred's room except to go to the bathroom. I had talked to Brian about helping George move on, but none of his suggestions were working. To make matters worse, George was developing a drinking problem. He tried to hide it, but I could smell the alcohol on his breath. I got rid of all the alcohol in the flat, but he somehow found more. I didn't have enough time to figure out how he was getting it or how to stop it because I was absolutely exhausted. 

I had too much to do. Every morning I would wake up early to feed Teddy. Then I made breakfast for myself and George. It took anywhere between 20 minutes to an hour to get George to eat enough. Then I would have to get myself ready. I would drop off Teddy either at his grandma's or at the day care. Then I would work for 12 hours. Then I would come back, feed Teddy, give him a bath, and put him to bed. I would have to make dinner for George and I, then force George to eat it. By the time I got George to eat, my dinner was usually cold. I was stretched too thin taking care of myself, a baby, and a full grown adult that isn't any better than the child. 

I had to start making concessions somewhere. I couldn't do it with Teddy; I promised Tonks I would take care of him. I couldn't do it with George; he needed me to help me. I couldn't quit my job; someone needed to pay the bills and George wasn't opening up the joke shop anytime soon. So I had to start taking shortcuts with myself. Dry shampoo became my best friend as I hardly ever showered. I barely ate any food because I spent so much time trying to convince George to eat that by the time I could eat my food was cold and Teddy was crying from exhaustion. I was getting max 5 hours of sleep on a good night, which are rare. And that wasn't even 5 consecutive hours. My sleep was plagued by nightmares as it has been for years. But I no longer had George to get me through them each night. I would wake up at least twice a night sweaty and crying. Not to mention the times I had to wake up for Teddy. I had bags under my eyes the size of Great Britain. 

The stress was quickly getting to me. I knew if I needed help all I had to do was ask. But I wanted to be strong after being weak for so long. One day I found myself cracking under all this pressure. 

I had brought George some dinner, and like usual, he wasn't eating it. I had had a rough day at work and Teddy was being fussy. I felt tears well up in my eyes from having slept for only 2 hours the night prior.

"George, please. 5 bites. You've lost so much weight. It's unhealthy. You need to eat more" I could feel my voice cracking. The tears were quickly threatening to spill over. I was so tired of having to fight with him. He didn't even turn to look at me. 

"George, I know we promised each other we'd stay alive, but this isn't living! Locking yourself in this room day in day out and drinking away all your problems is not working. You have to try harder. Fred wouldn't want this. He'd want you to at least try to live your life. Surviving isn't living, George. It's just surviving, and you're barely doing that" Tears were coming down my face as I begged George to try a little harder. I had broken. 

For the first time in weeks he spoke back to me. Well, not spoke. Screamed. "HOW WOULD YOU KNOW WHAT FRED WOULD WANT? YOU DIDN'T KNOW HIM, NOT LIKE I DID. SO DON'T COME IN HERE SAYING 'FRED WOULDN'T WANT THIS'. YOU HAVE NO IDEA. GET OUT. GET OUT. GET OUT" He threw the plate of food at the door. I instinctively curled myself into a ball like I used to do when my father was threatening me. I was instantly back to being that 8 year old girl who could hear my father yelling at my mother, who was screaming in pain, and knowing that I was up next. I had only seen George this angry and aggressive once-back in sixth year when we had that fight because he was jealous. I was scared of George then. And I was sure as hell scared of him now. I slowly got up and walked out of the room before he could hurt me, picking up the plate and spilled contents on the floor. 

I put the plate in the sink. As I was doing this I heard Teddy crying from the other room. My mental breakdown would have to wait. I pick him up and hold him tight. "Oh Teddy. He acts like I don't know what loss is. I lost your mom, who was my best friend. And I also lost Fred, my other best friend. And my mom after I disowned her because she sat there while I was tortured for almost a month. Before that I lost Cedric. Before that I lost all my friends in the US when I had to move to Hogwarts. Before that I technically lost my father because he beat me so I no longer thought of him as my father. So, between us, I think my life has been worse. I know he's going through a lot, but you'd think he'd be able to see that I understand what he's going through. We should be helping each other through it; not yelling at each other or ignoring each other." Tears were blurring my vision again. So much for delaying the mental breakdown. 

Teddy just started babbling. "But you're just a baby so what do you know. I miss your mom, Teddy." I sighed. "You probably need a bath, don't you. When was the last time I did that? Let's go" I brought Teddy over to the tub and gave him a bath with my favorite rubber duck. After that I sang him to sleep and went to get myself ready to go to bed. Like I usually do, I cried myself to sleep that night. But this time I was crying for the loss of my fiancé, who I'm afraid I might never get back again.