Blood on my hands

My condition

"Kon" screamed out the a voice in pain.
"I'm here where are you", I looked frantically the forest following the voice. Running through thousands of trees going deeper in the darkness.
"Kon run away it's coming for you", the voice screamed sounded like it was coming every direction.
I ran looking for the voice not wanting to leave them.
"I'm not leaving you behind, Where getting out of this together no matter what," I screamed back.
"Noooooooooooooo Kon",  They screamed when I suddenly plummeted down a cliff.
I woke up in a screaming terrified, it was the third time this week since being admitted into the hospital.
My brother Akemi holds me in his arms rocking me and humming softly to me while caressing my head on his shoulder. He is well aware what is going on he has his method to calming me down, it hasn't been this bad in a long time I thought I was getting better. Once I started to release my grip on my brother he cups my face, stares into my glossed eyes he says,
"Don't worry tomorrow is the last day they just have to make sure your okay their going to run one last test on you, think you can handle that Kiko?"
He said with a very reassuringly warm smile, his eye staring through my soul removing any but of doubt I had.
" Ok Aki I'm sorry for causing so much trouble for you and the rest, I thought I was getting better but I'm back here back to before."
I said tearing rolling down my cheeks if it wasn't for me their wouldn't have to deal with so much losing our parents. Not to mention due to the same crash I came out worst with problems it's a miracle I'm still alive. I was a sick baby who had leaving my oldest brother dropping his life to take me and my brother and sister in. I got worst as I grew up not only did I have a very weak heart, I got anxiety and Dissociative amnesia it is if I black out due to my emotion and won't remember what has happened. All I have ever done was ruin their lives I not only bring down Akemi but my sister Suzuki and my other brother Shoyo. All I ever done is bring them pain and suffering it would have been better without me if I was-
My brother cut me from my thoughts when he and my other siblings hugged, I knew what they were trying to say without using words their love. We separated and then I realized when did they get here isn't it a school day tomorrow why are they here.
" Hey when did you get here and why are you here I'm already here bothering poor Aki here don't you have school early in the morning?"I said worried.
Shoyo and Suzuki both looked at each other and smiled at me a knowing grin.
"Kon school is canceled so you don't have worry you have guilt written all over your face chill," Said my sis giggling.
"Yea , stop stressing already", Shoyo laughed at my seriousness.
I pouted and threw my pillow at him right in his face where he stood dumb founded.
" Ha that's you get for laughing at me", I stuck my tongue out.
Aki and Zuki laughing so hard at my childishness and Sho's expression. He finally took in what happened and smiled evilly coming closer to me. I grabbed my pillow and guarded myself from him, til he tower over me laughing.
"You think I wouldn't do anything , you thought wrong", he started to tickle me I could stop laughing.
"Ahhhhhhhh stop I'm sorry please have mercy on me", I laughter out he finally stopped and grin knowing he won.
" Next time you know not to mess with me", he said proudly.
"Hmph, next time you won't be so lucky,"I said as I lost to him.
Aki and Zuki both looked at each other and smirked.
"So much for him being her older brother he as childish as she is ", Aki said and Zuki nodded in agreement.
"Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy", me and Sho said offended.
I only pouted and looked over at the clock it was 11:37 and realized it was time. For them to go visiting hours are over and I have a friend at the help desk that usually let's have 30 more minutes. But it would be no excuse to go overboard take her for granted. She's risking a lot by letting us and could get in trouble if caught, so I clear my voice getting my siblings attention.
"Guys it's time to go home", I say with a small weak smile.
This is the worst part seeing them go knowing I can't go with them, it's creepy at the hospital at night gets even worst it feels like death and sadness coming from off the walls.
My siblings look at me then to one another and nod, Aki states how he is going to stay the night but I deny his request he has work early I can't trouble him. So does Zuki she takes college courses but has a full time job with Aki. Then Sho declared he was staying I tried to deny his offer but he shrugged it. Came back with his bag from the car he had already packed, he said since he had no school. Saying he much rather hang out with his kid sister then be at home worrying. Once Aki and Zuki said their goodbyes and promises to come back after to work to  discharge me so I could go back home, they left.
Sho had bathed and put his pjs which were shorts and a hoodie I made him out of my fan art of our favorite rock band, pulled out the Fulton from under my bed and payed down.
"So it's too early to sleep, what do u want to do to pass the time Kiki?" Sho question with a warm smile
"Hmmmmmmmmm let me think oh I know," I said with a delighted grin.