Lost in Japan

Because I had you

Camila converged back towards Shawn with her mouth full of a Takoyaki ball and the huge proud smile on her face of someone who had just won a big prize. But at the sight of Shawn's tensed and nervous look, she froze immediately.

"What, what's wrong?!"

"What's his freaking problem?!"

Shawn couldn't help but lose his temper. He stiffened and contracted his hand around his mobile phone. A quick glimpse at his girlfriend's ex reawakened in him old and very unpleasing feelings. Feelings that would leave him insecure, unsatisfied and incomplete. Feelings that would put him on a pending mode, waiting for a sign, waiting for something to happen to finally get his girl. But also, feelings that would demand any form of healing, could it be by spending all his nights reading texts from her as if she was a part of his existence, or trying to find someone new to make him forget. Love was the loneliest place when falling alone. Despite the flow of girls begging to be with him, he could never really move on. And the regrets and remorse would torment him knowing that once, he has had her heart and should have told her not to go. He has had her heart but had not been fully ready to reciprocate, not knowing himself at all at the time. Maybe it was immaturity, and she was just too funny and smart for him. Maybe it was just bad timing. But that kind a connection, that special energy that was there between them, he knew it was something rare, something hard to find. And in every girl he hooked up with, he desperately tried to find some fragments of her. Maybe in the smile, maybe in the hair, maybe in the way the girl would move or talk or use the word "like". But he could never let his heart go. He could never forget. Because he had her.

"Who, who you talking about?", shouted Camila.

"Him".

His reply was short and minimalist, like a form of non-acknowledgement of his existence.

"Wut?"

Camila was sincerely clueless about the situation. The two main men in her life were her dad and Shawn. Any other male mention wouldn't have been relevant and she highly doubted Shawn was in conflict with Alejandro.

In a gracious effort, Shawn specified:

"Your ex Camila!"

It was not a good sign when he would call her "Camila" instead of "Mila", "baby", "sweetie" or any other pet name he had for her.

"Are you talking about M...?"

"Please don't mention his name", he interrupted her.

"Oh come on babe, it's not that deep."

It was so random for Camila to hear her ex's name pop up in the other end of the world while enjoying some Japanese street food, that she wanted to joke and dismiss the whole topic.

"Can he just stop talking about you once and for all?"

Shawn needed to get the words out of his chest. She was his, she had in fact always been his. The other one was just a transitory situation, a stub period and a distant memory now. How dared he claim her in that way, in such a public way? It was a sign of utmost disrespect for him. Of course, Shawn had expressed his love for Camila in a very public way too while she was in a relationship, but he never officially confirmed who the songs he wrote were about. And that left room for many speculations and theories. Out of respect for her relationship at the time, he had tried to be a gentleman. She was with somebody he couldn't be but he could tell that she was happy. He remembered when he would not allow himself to like her pictures on Instagram or would refrain from sending her texts and ask for news just because he would not want to interfere. He had been very good at keeping his distance...until he could not handle it anymore and had to be with her.

Camila suspended his silent inner turmoil with an attempt to lighten the mood.

"Can you enlighten me please babe I'm just here wanting to share with you some takoyakis but you're not helping!"

"I don't want to even go deep into it, but I think he talked to some journalists and had the nerve to declare he would always love you or something."

"Oh crap."

"Yes, indeed."

"I'm sure he didn't mean it in that way come on."

"Whatever he meant, it sounds like he still claims ownership other you. And that definitely does not suit me fine. I swear next time I come across him..."

Camila couldn't help but interrupt his rant and agitation by wrapping her arms around him and trying to reassure him.

"Babe, babe, babe, come on, you'll do nothing because you love me and you're a gentleman and that's nothing like you."

Deep down, she knew how hurt he was when he was the distant and powerless witness of her relationship with another man. And it hurt her to have hurt him. She could not even imagine the pain he would feel when she would kiss a face that wasn't Shawn's. And she had been torn by it, spending nights wondering why her "I know what you did last summer" crush let her go.

He finally gave in.

"Hmm, maybe you're right. But that still doesn't make it OK. And I hate it's out there for everybody to see. And to be completely honest, it's just making me reminisce old feelings I'd rather forget."

The whole situation also made Camila smile on the inside, realizing how the positions had turned and he was the one needing some reassuring words now.

"As much as I find you cute when you're jealous, that's not a situation I can't let you in for too long."

She smiled at him and gave him a kiss on the lips while running her hand through his hair.

"I'm not jealous", he unconvincingly mumbled.

She then cupped his head between her hands and looked at him straight in the eyes.

"You know, it has always been you Shawn. All these years. I may have had feelings for him, but my heart was always yours."

"Really?", he asked as if it was a true revelation and a weight had been lifted off of him.

"Of course, and that's part of the reason I could never give in 100%. I was expecting something to happen, I was expecting us to happen. Everything in between was intermediary noises. So please, let's just focus on us for the time being and brush aside all these unnecessary noises."

He would not really admit it but there was still to this day a strange doubt clinging in the back of his mind when it came to her feelings for her ex. Her words were a true relief.

In a very symbolic way, they had to be on the other side of the planet to give their relationship a fresh start and wipe away all past resentment and ambiguity.

And to mark the occasion, he forgot everybody around them and submerged her with a passionate kiss as an attempt to express their passionate love for each other.

"I love you so much. And you're so right!"

"I love you too baby. But for now, come on, let's go get some ramens!"

******Notes******

We're getting closer to the end of the story! After finding out about the potential reasons Camila visited him so unexpectedly in Japan, I am glad I made a story out of these two, barely three days they shared together. They really reflect their strong loving bond and how they have each other's back under any circumstances.

Also, big shout out to  @Mindsouldance   and  @Buterfliezz_    for finding out the Finneas's reference in my last chapter "Used to this." As you may know, Finneas was a producer and writer on the song. So, I added a reference of my favorite song from him called "Let's fall in love for the night". I changed the line "You need a pick-me-up? I'll be there in twenty-five" in the song for ""Hey baby, you need to pick me up" and he would be there in twenty-five" in the chapter.