Short Storys

Change

‘Don't come back until you change’ he said. ‘You are selfish and rude’ he said. ‘You are a coward’ he said. ‘Always hiding behind fake smiles and kind words’ he said. He didn’t know shit. I know I need to change, you don’t need to say it. I know I am selfish and rude, I don’t need to be reminded. And I know I’m a coward, I do not need that acknowledged. But I don’t know how to stop smiling even though I find nothing humariouse or happy about a certain thing. He said I hid behind kind words. They are my defence, I do not hide behind the only thing I am proud of. I also know I can be kind, I know I can care about people I love. But I also know being kind does not change my faults, and my stubbornness makes the ‘change’ you want to happen so much harder. Being aware of all this stubbornness also makes me feel sick, because I know what I have to do but I can’t. No, I won’t.