Broken Boy - Cookomalley

5.

Jamie's pov

"I just don't love you anymore!"
"Katie, please listen to me!"
"No! I'm not gonna date a gay guy."
"For the millionth time, I'm not gay! I'm bi! Why else would I date you for 6 months?"
"To hide it from Nick? I don't know! You really love him, I can tell. You two are good for each other. Go fix your bullshit Jamie."

That was the last conversation we had. She hasn't answered my texts or calls. I've skipped school for a week now, just because I don't want to see her, or Nick for that matter. I'm sick of seeing him with his new boyfriend. I can't stop wishing it was me.

// Nick's pov //

Jamie wasn't in school all week, I'm guessing he got sick. I wasn't gonna ask him obviously. I stayed at Albert's house for the weekend. He had a cool room with vinyls and posters and two guitars hanging on the wall.
He played me different songs on his acoustic guitar. It reminded me of Jamie's terrible playing on summer evenings at his grandma's house. He always spends a week or two with her during our summer holidays and every time I've joined him. At least for a few days. We would play in the woods when we were still young, the last two years we've been swimming or went for walks.

The walks. He would wake up early from the birds chirping outside. Five minutes later he'd get bored of being alone and wake me up. I'd punch him with my pillow and roll away from him, then he would punch me back or tickle me. Eventually, we would go out for a walk. I remember how I would refuse to put on a jacket before going, even though I knew it was cold, just to feel my whole body warm up when he grabbed my hand while walking.

//

"Nick? Are you okay baby?" It was Albert, I had gotten lost in thought. He grabbed my hand, it wasn't the same as Jamie's. Jamie's hands were always warm and soft. I looked up at Albert.
"I'm okay, sorry." I leaned in and kissed his lips. I liked him though, I was happy with Albert. Jamie had Katie anyways. He wrapped his arms around me and we cuddled for the rest of the day.

// Sunday noon //

I left Albert's house early, dad had called me from the hospital. Mom had gotten really bad. Albert drove me there but I insisted on him not coming with me inside.
Dad stood outside mom's hospital room. He had cried. We didn't say anything to each other, he just let me go inside.
"Mum?" No answer.
"She had a heart attack this morning. Her heart has gotten weaker, she lost weight. She's not strong anymore."
I held her hand in mine.

//

I texted Albert that I was staying home from school this coming week, I gave him very few details of what had happened. I just wanted to be alone.
My dad called Jamie's family since I wasn't going to and they sent flowers with a card that invited us over for dinner on Saturday. I had made a full plan on how to sneak out and go to Albert's house. The window would work if I wasnt living on the second floor, so I decided to do it at night.
I would sneak out through the back door, since it's the closest to the staircase.

Hi Nick, did you get the flowers?
I'm really sorry about all that has happened. Maybe we could use Saturday to talk? I miss you :(

It was Jamie. All I wanted was to reply with I miss you too. So fucking much. Or call him just to hear his lovely voice for the first time in weeks.
But I didn't. I ignored his message just like he had ignored me.

// Friday night //

Somehow I managed to creep down the stairs without a sound. I knew exactly which steps that made loud creaks. I went outside, being careful with closing the door. It was at least half a mile to Albert's house, so I knew I'd be walking for a while and plugged my earphones in. After only about 15 minutes a song came on that made me stop walking.
Jamie's favourite. I don't know why I had it downloaded still. I teared up,
I was confused with my feelings,
I wanted to run away and never come back. Maybe I should talk to him.
It started snowing, the first snow of the year. Everything reminded me of him. He loves winter.
I went home again. I wasn't really up to talking to Albert anyways.

I stayed up for hours when I was back, overthinking everything. I eventually dozed off early in the morning. When I woke up it was 2pm. We had to be at their house at 6. I was praying he wouldn't be home but I knew from the text he sent that he definitely would.

I took a shower and put on black jeans and a grey sweater. Nothing special. I dried my hair and made sure it looked good, it was almost down to my shoulders by now.
I liked it. It was very fluffy.

I cleaned my room and watched friends until I heard dad shout at me to come down. I knew I had no choice so I took my time to walk down the stairs and put on my coat.

//

When I saw Jamie I lost my breath. He  was wearing a white shirt with the first two buttons left open. His chest was smooth and hairless, hair was gelled back and the dark trousers he wore made his thighs look amazing.
I quickly looked away when we got eye contact. Dad nudged my arm and I mumbled a "hello" to them.

Dinner was already ready so we all sat down and ate. Afterwards I tried to go to the bathroom to hide but Jamie called my name from the corridor.

"Nick"
"No." I kept walking but he followed right after me.
"Please, let's talk."
"No." I went into bathroom and tried to slam the door but he was faster and grabbed the door handle before I could close it in his face.
"You're not leaving this damn house until we've talked. Please."
I sighed loudly and followed him to his room, we both sat on his bed, but distanced.

"Okay talk. Explain everything. Nothing of this is my fault and you know that Jamie." He nodded and looked down shamefully.

"I know, nothing of this is your fault. I've been the worst friend in the whole world. I promised you that nothing would change between us. I'm so sorry Nick, I miss you so much and I want us to he friends again.
I was an asshole and hurting you is the biggest regret of my life. Please."

I started crying and hugged him. He rubbed my back and kept repeating how sorry he was.
"I forgive you, but what about Matt and Katie?" I said.
"Katie left me last week and I left Matt. There will be no more of them."
I sniffed and sat back up again, pulling my sweater over my hands and drying my tears.
"I'm sorry about you and Katie, I could tell she made you happy. I was super jealous honestly."

"It's okay, she dumped me cause I told her I'm bi. You were right about her, she's one of those fake bitches."
"Mr. 'I am not gay, Nick' became bisexual huh?"
"I think we both knew. Anyways, enough about me, how is Albert?"
"Well, I like him a lot and he's great, but I don't know...he's just not the one you know?"
"Maybe you should break up then?"

Is breaking up really worth it though? Would it be the step to make us more than friends? I really want you Jamie.
I want nothing more than to press my lips against yours. You're the one.
But do you think I am the one for you?