Looking For Hope

Chapter 15: Late Night Talk, Impromptu Field Trip, and Strategy-Building

Author's note: This chapter would make more sense from Deandra's point of view if you listen to "Bet on It" from High School Musical 2 or "Reflection" from Mulan first. Or, if you're more of an angsty song type of reader, listen to "Perfect" by Simple Plan, it has the same theme of what one wants vs what one's parent has planned for. Either way, just know that Deandra is conflicted. 

 Also, what Nardho told Moira in the boys' room was a paraphrase from a scene in my favorite video game when a sickly alien told his lover "time for me is short, but what little I have is yours to take." Lastly, an izakaya is an informal bar, like a café but tinier and can only seat limited number of guests. It might be easier to understand it as an upbeat  yet humble eatery. 

In the darkness of the boys' room, Moira could hear Nardho by her side turning and tossing before he finally gave up trying to sleep and decided to just lie there very quietly. Moira put her head on his chest, listening to his heart beating and feeling the warmth of his body.

"On nights like this, when the world stands still and it's just you with your mind, what are you thinking about?" Moira asked in a low voice, careful not to wake Tony and Rain.

"I'm thinking about my mom back home. I've always been ever since I left for Red Sycamore, but now that she knows the truth about my disease, I wonder if she has to work harder because of me. It's already difficult being a single parent with three children, you know. I mean, Johan helps by having a secure job and Kenta's already like her second son and my second brother, but honestly I wonder if it'd have been easier if dad was still around, no matter how homophobic he was to Johan. I mean, he was toxic but at least he knew how to do us good financially."

"Aw, sorry, honey. I don't think your mom thinks your medical bill is a burden. You are loved, Nardho, and in return you love those who love you. That should be enough."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence. Hey Moira, do you think my siblings and I can save up to buy me artificial lung? You know, that bionic lung that is basically an extracorporeal machine meant to oxygenate one's blood by acting like branching air sacks? If not, my other option is to get lung transplant but then the medical team would have to make sure the organ donor matches my blood type and that my body's not gonna reject the transplant, it's gotta be full of complications, it's scary." Nardho found Moira's hand and squeezed it the tightest he ever did.

"If that's what you want, then I believe there'd be a way. Or you can get an emotional support animal, like a dog, so the dog can alert people if you're having an episode."

"You mean a service animal? That could be useful but I don't have time to keep a pet to feed and train."

The two fell silent and Moira thought about what she would do if one day she found out she did not have a boyfriend anymore. She shook her head, not wanting to make it into a self-fulfilling prophecy. He's strong, he's gonna make it to our graduation day, and then we'll have good careers, and then he'd not have to worry about burdening his mom or relying on people.

"Moira, you don't believe in miracle, do you? Johan does. I used to, but now I'm having a crisis of faith. If it's a sin, then be it. But I want to know what your take is." Nardho called softly.

"Well, there are things that science has yet to explain but in general I think miracle is just our willpower plus the right timing. Now, time is a difficult thing to work with here."

"My time might have been cut shorter than yours, honey, but whatever I have left is yours to spend. So, let's make good memories. I'm still your Nardho, so treat me as if I'm healthy."

The next morning, Lee had gone with Ardiansyah to see the farmland while Ayumi was off to a Sunday market to see the embroideries and potteries on sale while Deandra seemed to be locking herself in her room. With no adults around, the young students had ample free time to deliberate on the e-mail they were going to send Ardiansyah. They met again in the backyard.