The Family Screw Up Finds Himself A Girl

Chapter Twenty Two

"He said what?!" I am on the phone to Jackie, I have just filled her in with the recent events from the last 24 hours. "I going to find him and I'm gonna kill him. Are there any loose bricks in Times Square?!" She rages. I love her, she's so protective of me and the rest of our little squad. "He called you barren? Well, let me tell you something, he will be sterile by the time I am finished with him!" I interject quickly, "Hun, he's gone now. I never want to see him ever again. I've made one stupid mistake that I'll never be able to take back." I reply and I can hear a deep sigh from her, "You had to see it for yourself. Are you in love with Toby?" The mention of his name brings a lump to my throat, "I was with him out of convenience in the beginning, you guys were all coupled up and there was me alone yet again. Philip was gone and Toby was there, it was just a sex thing at the start. Now I know that I'm insanely in love with him. I just never allowed myself the chance to realise it," I say it with so much regret and longing. "Have you spoken to him?" I ask, hoping to hear her say yes. "Nope, none of us have. Clyde hasn't heard from him and they chat on a daily. He must be really cut up about the whole thing. He is so in love with you, Sam," she says sincerely. I correct her, "Was, in love with me." The last year and all the things that have happened to me come flooding back. This man who I didn't even know properly moved me into his house within weeks of us meeting, has made my friends and their partners feel like family, has loved me unconditionally regardless of the fact that I probably will never be able to give him a family, which is something he has always wanted and I've destroyed it because of my stupid soul searching. "Sam, it's Clyde. How ya doin'?" Jackie has put me on speaker phone. It's nice to hear Clyde's voice as we haven't spoken for a while. "Hey, I'm just about hanging on here. How's things with you, I hope you're looking after my girl?" I smile to myself, he is a wonderful husband to Jackie, just like I knew he would be. Clyde replies, "It's not too late, Sam. Call Toby and tell him how you feel, you'll always regret it if you don't." I know what he's saying is true, but I can't bring myself to do it out of fear of being rejected. "You didn't see his face, Clyde. I left him completely heartbroken, he will never take me back. Especially if he feels like he is a second option." He replies, "Do you know when we were in Greece Toby took me to one side and told me a few things?" I can feel my heart beat so fast in my chest, it feels like it's going to explode at any given moment. Please don't tell me that he told you about Flip Zimmerman, I think to myself. That would be the end of all of my friendships as I know it. Clyde continues, "He told me before you came along that he was incredibly lonely. He had acquaintances and a few friends here and there but no one that really stuck around. He said that he met you that night in the Marriott and he knew right then and there that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you. That's why he proposed this whole film idea so that he could spend as much time with you as possible in the hope that you would fall for him too." I am sobbing, I can't believe he poured his heart out like this to Clyde, he never told me any of this when I was with him. "Sam, don't cry. I know Toby and I see him as a real good friend, he's been nothing but kind to every single one of us. I thought he would turn his nose up at me with him being a director and me being who I am, but he accepted me and the rest of us for who we are. Just give him a call Sam, he will come to you." I know that he is right, "Thanks mate, I don't know what I would do without you and Jackie." I wipe the tears from my eyes and Clyde replies. "No bother, we just want the best for you and for you to be happy, god knows you deserve it." My heart is full with so much love for him, he really is a gem, "I'll call Toby, can you put me on the phone to Jackie so I can say goodbye?" He passes the phone over to her, "Look girl, I've got to get back to my hotel. Thanks for listening as always, and if I can't get through to Toby and you or Clyde speak to him first, can you please tell him I'm sorry." I say and I can hear a sniffle on the other end of the line, almost like a cry, "Wait, Jackie, are you crying?" I ask, I've never really seen her cry before. She clears her throat and says, "Nope, I'm all good. Take care babe, love you," and she ends the call abruptly.

I look down at my phone screen, I know what I have to do but I don't know if I have the strength to do it. I open up my contacts and scroll to Toby's details, I trace his name with my finger. I'm so frightened, what if he doesn't love me anymore and tells me to fuck off? I promised Jackie and Clyde that I would speak to him, so I decide to call him anonymously so that the number would appear as unknown on his screen. I press the button and wait anxiously for him to answer, he picks up almost instantly. "Hello, Toby Grummett here," the sound of his voice gives me butterflies and makes me cry all over again, I would give anything to be in his arms right now. "Hello?" He repeats himself, I can't respond to him, I'm too scared. As much as I love and want him I'm not worthy of his love, so I hang up and put my phone back in my bag. It's better this way, he deserves so much more than anything I could give him. I know that he could be happy one day and he would be better off without me.