𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 ─── a songfic

watch as she stands with her holding your hand ;

i really like you, corlan.

i really like you, corlan, i just . . .

what was he going to say ? i just . . . can't love you.

i just . . . don't love you.

i really like you, corlan, i just don't love you.

i just don't love you.

corlan . . . corlan. CORLAN, goddammit, wake the fuck up !

my head jerked up, and i found caysie standing in front of me, arms crossed, a look of mixed annoyance and sympathy on her face.

corlan, she said again, her voice more gentle. i get what you're going through, i really do, but you've literally been catatonic for the last three weeks, and it's getting . . . disturbing.

i glanced away, not answering. 

there was nothing to say.

my phone suddenly buzzed, and we both glanced at it in surprise ; i hadn't gotten many texts since things had ended with harlow, and besides caysie, i didn't have any close friends.

when i didn't make a move for the phone, caysie sent me an exasperated look before grabbing it herself.

it's . . . harlow, she said slowly, looking up from the screen to glance back at me. corlan, you . . . kept his number ?

and still i didn't respond, because of course i did. of course i kept his number. i didn't have the heart to delete it, no matter how much i hated myself for being so soft, no matter how much it felt like i'd been kicked in the chest every time i unlocked my phone and saw harlow's profile picture.

caysie shook her head, pity in her expression. you gotta let him go, lan-lan.

i closed my eyes. you gotta let him go. but i couldn't. that was just the thing ; i couldn't let him go.

and it was killing me.

caysie took a slow breath before reading his text. he says he wants to meet you. to tell you something.

my eyes flew open, and i couldn't stop myself from blurting, what ? 

don't you dare go out and meet him, caysie snapped. the dickhead's caused you enough grief already.

but what if he –

yeah, but what if he doesn't ? caysie cut in. you'll be even more broken than before. before i could say any more, she was typing something back to him, sending it too quickly for me to stop her.

caysie, what the hell, i snapped, reaching for my phone. give it back. maybe i could delete the text before harlow saw it.

but as i finally wrestled the phone from caysie's grasp, my eyes fell on the screen, and my stomach dropped as i read the chain of texts.

harlow : hey, i was wondering if we could meet
up somewhere

harlow : i need to tell you something

corlan : whatever you want to say, 
you can say it now.

i blanched ; i couldn't delete the text now that harlow had already read it, and he was typing his response, which seemed to be taking a long time, as if he was typing and then deleting and then typing something else. shit, caysie –

you're welcome, caysie interrupted.

my heart was racing as i stared at the three gray dots, the ones that signaled harlow's response was still being drafted. shit. i never should have let caysie take my phone, never should have –

harlow : i'm seeing someone.

caysie swore under her breath, but i barely heard it.

i'm seeing someone.

three simple words, but they had taken harlow so long to type. three simple words, but it felt like someone had knocked the wind out of my lungs.

caysie grabbed my phone again, but i barely noticed as she answered him.

corlan : who ?

i didn't want to know. maybe i would never want to know, but caysie read his response aloud before i could tell her not to, and i couldn't breathe. couldn't breathe as she said the name, even though i'd seen it coming. i'd seen it coming a long time ago, which somehow made it that much worse.

heather.