prom night.
it was prom night, five months since harlow had left me for heather, five months since i'd written a song.
we'd passed each other in the hallway, but i always avoided his gaze, because it hurt. it hurt every time i saw his blue, blue eyes, and it was the kind of hurt that made it hard to breathe, so i didn't look at him ; i wasn't sure i could ever look at him again.
we hadn't interacted since i'd left his sweater on his porch.
but it was impossible not to look at him tonight. caysie always went on about how guys in tuxes were just that much hotter, and it was only then that i finally knew she was right.
he'd come with heather, of course, who looked beautiful as ever ; what a sight for sore eyes, her blonde hair done up in a delicately simple bun, her dress a deep purple-gray color, and she was perfect next to harlow ; they looked perfect together. perfect in a way that never would have worked if i'd been in heather's place at that moment.
don't look at them, damn it, caysie said, gesturing for her date to wait a moment before dragging me in the opposite direction. you're not here to pine over your ex, corlan. understand ?
she'd come with the boy she'd met at the party, thomas, if i remembered correctly, and her face was glowing with a warm happiness i wish i could have been feeling. it was true, thomas was gorgeous, with his light brown hair and striking green eyes, and his perfect manners and kind expression had won our parents over in a heartbeat.
all the bastard was missing was a british accent.
let go of me, i snapped at caysie. it was humiliating enough that i'd come with my sister and her date ; i wanted to put as much distance as i could between us.
caysie sighed, releasing my arm. i'm sorry. i'm just . . . she swallowed and glanced away ; we hadn't spoken much ever since i'd shut her down those few months ago. i'm worried. for you. she smoothed down the sleeve of my tux and adjusted my bowtie, managing a smile. but you look amazing tonight, lan-lan. i'll leave you here, all right ? just . . . have some fun. if not for you, do it for me. please.
i felt a prick of guilt, staring into caysie's sad eyes. she wasn't supposed to be sad ; it was prom night, something she'd always looked forward to, and i – i was the one who was ruining it for her.
i'm sorry, i said softly. i'm sorry. i've been such a dick, and – i'm sorry. i glanced up at thomas, who was still waiting politely where we'd left him. your british boyfriend is still waiting for you, caysie –
caysie blinked incredulously. my what ?
nothing, i said quickly. just – go on. enjoy tonight. you look beautiful.
and she did, especially when she gave me another smile before walking back to thomas, her expression lifting as he offered her his arm ; it hurt to watch them together, so sweet and happy, but it was a good sort of hurt, a pain i wouldn't mind reliving over and over.
the rest of the night, i tried to do what caysie told me to. i ate the over-salted food and drank the over-sweetened punch. i managed a few minutes of conversation with a few people i knew from my classes.
i tried to have fun.
but it was impossible, impossible when i kept seeing heather and harlow together. no matter where i went, where i looked, i always found myself catching just a glimpse of harlow's caramel hair, his blue, blue eyes, his beautiful smile.
the night passed in a blur, but it felt excruciatingly slow at the same time. and it was only near the end, when i looked up to see harlow's face once more, that i realized he was walking toward me.
panic immediately sharpened my senses, but i couldn't move. could only stand there, frozen, as he paused in front of me, offering a slight smile. he was alone ; heather was talking to her friends across the room, and that made it so much worse. so much worse, as i attempted and failed to look away from harlow's blue, blue eyes.
hey, corlan.
and my only coherent thought at that moment was that it wasn't fair. it wasn't fair, the kind of effect he had on me, even after so long. hey, corlan, like he hadn't broken my heart, like we were just fine.
when i didn't speak, harlow took a shaky breath. i was just . . . wondering how you were doing. i mean – we haven't really talked in a while.
i still couldn't speak.
i just – it's been almost half a year, and i miss you, he said. i mean, you're funny. sweet. i miss hanging out with you.
i miss you, but he meant it in a friend way, funny, sweet, misses hanging out with me, in a friend way – in a friend way.
i slowly shook my head, finally finding my voice. no – no. i can't. i'm sorry, but i can't – do this.
harlow fell quiet, his blue, blue gaze dropping to the floor.
there was a long stretch of silence before he glanced back up again. i'm sorry, he said softly. for everything, i'm sorry, but i . . . just wanted to invite you to this party. it's dumb, just something fun, but if you want to go . . . he shrugged. i don't know if you know peter klein, but there's this graduation party in a few weeks, at his house. if you want to come.
hurt – this hurt, goddammit, and i didn't know what to do, how to reply.
okay, i finally answered, because what the hell else could i say ? okay, i'll . . . think about it.
harlow smiled, partly in relief and partly in uncertainty. that's good, he said, and, shit, he was so damned adorable when he was awkward ; it hurt, hurt so much to look at him. i – should probably go now, but i'll see you there. i mean, i hope i'll see you there.
i managed to nod, and then he was gone, taking his warm cinnamon smell with him, going back to heather, always going back to heather. and why shouldn't he ? she was perfect, nothing like me, she was beautiful, a sight for sore eyes.
she was everything.
