♡ Be My Baby ♡

four.

In spite of what Daisy might've thought, Harry doesn't throw himself headfirst into trying to conceive a child. As spontaneous as he is, he's also a planner and in important matters, he's verging on 'control freak'. He does a good deal of soul searching, figuring out if he can handle having a baby on his own. As a test, he babysits his four godchildren within one week, he watches Ruby for an entire weekend and they both survive unscathed. That works well enough as a test. Harry loves spending time around kids, even though he wasn't with them much in his youth since he was always the baby in family matters. But then the inevitable midlife crises of his relatives emerged when he was a teenager and suddenly there were young second-wives and husbands and lots of toddlers running around. Harry found that he was naturally good with them and the little ones were often drawn to him for some reason. It's just kids, they pick a person and slap their knee until they notice them for no discernible reason whatsoever. Harry's not mad at it.

After some literal pros and cons lists and a move to a house, replacing his strategically small and chic flat, Harry's mind is made up. He wants a baby. He's ready for it, he can definitely handle a baby without a partner and he knows he can provide for himself and the baby. Apart from his trust fund and other generational wealth that makes his now socially-conscious self sick sometimes, Harry also technically has a career of his own. He didn't get a degree in English simply because he likes books, he genuinely enjoys the craft, even though he's not sure if he's any good at it. Regardless, he's got some short stories published and is trying to build up a book of poetry that can serve as a book of songs too, if anyone wishes to grab an instrument and add melody to it. Plus, being kind of an Instagram influencer without trying isn't being an unpaid intern either. Just by being good friends with actual influencers and appearing on their accounts often has somehow attracted thousands of followers to Harry's previously very boring profile too. Now it's more of a fun hobby, playing around with the whole Instagram thing.

Harry stays mum about everything. He doesn't say a word to Gemma, his mum, his friends. Apart from that conversation with Daisy, he doesn't utter a single word about his plans to have a baby. He goes on multiple trips during summer, parties way more often than what's good for his liver (and skin), and gets his affairs in order so he can finally start trying for a baby. The first thing he does is round up all his single exes that weren't complete arseholes and is somewhat in contact with. Then there are the friends he occasionally sleeps with. The third factor in his baby daddy mission is the great unknown - random shags. Harry's not immune to them, and he actually quite likes them. Sure, he could do IVF but this is more organic, a lot more fate is involved. Plus, he thinks he can round up a better pool of men than a sperm bank. He had some concerns about the legality of his plan, so naturally, he asked the family lawyer and as long as he doesn't put anyone's name on the birth certificate or ask for alimony, it can be given the go-ahead.

As August draws to a close and September brings the first wisps of fall, Harry sets his plan into motion. Very early on, he's surprised to see how little people care about STDs, which are the most terrifying thing about unprotected sex to him at the moment. A friend of his gave him a crystal to ward them off and at this point, Harry's game even for that. He's more careful about hooking up, having to be aware of knowing that any of his random shags could end up the father of his child and that child could inherit some pretty bad traits. He keeps a list of everyone he sleeps with, along with dates, and even though it feels a little too college-mentality, this time it isn't only for bragging to his friends.

It's late November when a bad bound of flu turns out to be something else once the puking and nausea don't want to go away even after a week. It takes a blood test to confirm it for sure and when Harry gets the call with the results, he can't quite figure out what to feel. He paces around his dining room with the edge of his phone pressed against his lips and his hand on his lower belly even though it's too early to feel anything, trying not to freak out. He starts doubting himself. Is this actually a good idea? Does he have what it takes to raise a baby on his own? What if now he'll be completely undateable forever? What if his childless friends all drop him? What if his family is so pissed off they'll never speak to him again and cut off his finances?

Harry decides to stay rational. He's an adult. He has too many friends to miss a few who would end their friendship over such a superficial thing. Being a parent won't flip him 180 for the worse. His family will be fuming but they could never truly hate him and try to ruin his life. It will be fine. It has to be fine.

It becomes a mantra to him over the next few weeks as he continues to keep the tiny detail of his pregnancy secret. He's managing everything on his own just fine and why create a ruckus earlier than needed? The hardest thing is constantly finding excuses for his lack of drinking but "a cleanse" or "a detox" never truly fail him. That's how he finds himself some weeks later painfully sober at his 25th birthday party, as his friends drunkenly scream about how their baby is getting big. If only they knew.