A Mother's Determination System

Chapter 4

<3 years later, Silk Thread Village>
<First perspective, Elizabeth, 20 years old>

"Ma..-Ma!" Neo cried, while he open-legged-ly sat beside me, as I washed laundry, scrubbing them against a board, in a wooden tub.
"Yes dear?" I reply back with a gentle tone, turning around, smiling, wiping my sweat from my forehead, with the back of my hand.
"Hungry!"
"I see..." I whispered, while I gazed at Neo for a moment, as I pondered on how I should respond;
"Hmm..."
Should I take him to eat right now? It wouldn't be considered too lenient, right? What if I spoil him like this....

OH, maybe I should finish the clothes, since it's almost done...I wouldn't be forcefully starving him like that right?
.
.
.
No...What happens if he grows thinking I don't care about him?..

I started to stare at him for a while, as I continued to contemplate on, which course of action, should be taken, slipping out a, "hmm...", ever-so often.

I let out a frustrated sigh, continuing to wash the clothes, in a squatting position, sitting on the dirt floor, infront of the small wooden hut. As a serene, small breeze cooled the hot, summer air, that resided upon the mountain we lived in, giving both me, and Neo a sense of short-lived solace.
.
.
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Ah, I got it
I'll just kiss him, pat him on the head, and say, "Mama's gonna finish the clothes, then we go eat, ok?"
This way, it wouldn't suffice any unwanted misunderstandings, I hope.
.
.
.
"Moma...?"
Neo asked, tilting his head in curiousity, perhaps impatient, considering that I've zoomed out for quite some time.
"Ah, yes, sorry about that sweetheart."
I replied, leaning towards him, getting myself to his eye level, before continuing with a bright smile.
"Mama's going to finish the laundry, ok? We'll go eat soon."
I finally uttered out, pecking him on the cheeks,before I dipped my hands back into the tub, diligently scrubbing every..

GODDAMN GERM THAT WOULDN'T LEAVE.

You...BACTERIA, YOU BETTER HOP OUT OF YOUR ASSES AND LEAVE. MY BABY BOY NEEDS FOOD.

Sighs.
But anyways;
My Neo really grows up too fast...He's already the size of  a small basin, and it's only It's been 3 years....
If this fast pace continues, he's going to get married, then have kids, then leave me with my grand babies, then go on, then I'll die, then he'll-

What am I going to do?
What am I...GOInG tO DO?

nO.

NO nO no NoNO.

Ah...Oh, yes...YEs YeS yes.
I forgot to say earlier, but, you could probably tell that—

I have no confidence in my parenting, at all.
I mean, what happens if I'm too lenient, and he becomes spoiled? That'd be horrible...But what happens if I'm too strict, and he becomes like my daughter, from my past life? Ending up, having high standards for himself, before ultimately succumbing to death?

Just thinking about it, makes me hate myself, I mean, it's all my fault, after all, I did raised them up from birth, all the way, until they turned into adults. Yet, I ended neglecting them so much, that they had turned out like that; unsociable, independent, and...Not like children at all.

My face starts to wrinkle, as I slightly frowned, sentimentally, reminding myself of just how horrible, of a mother I was.

But, it's alright...Because, I won't do it again...
Oh...
And Garnet?
Since I found your brother, I'll find you too, and atone for my sins...For I, will become a good mother this time.

◢✥◣
<Third perspective, Elizabeth, 20 years old>

Elizabeth watched her son struggle, trying to munch on a small, portion of watery, barely edible oatmeal, causing a small, upset expression to plaster itself across her youthful, yet, fatigued face.
This is all I could give him?
She quietly mumbled under her breath, gazing at Neo, in a distressed tone, feeling, more unsettled, before, taking a cotton handkerchief, wiping away the food on his cheeks.
"Mama...?"
Neo said, in a low tone, his voice trailing off, ever-so delicately, as if he was, or, felt guilty of something.
"Yes dear?"
Elizabeth responded, as she continued to wipe his cheeks, before gently stroking them with her fingers, while she looked at him kindly.
"H-h..."
"H-h?"
"You mustn't be afraid dear, tell me what you want to say."
"Hungry still..." Neo whispered, as he looked down in shame, while his small, chubby belly choked out a small rumble.

"I see...Then, mama will go find food, alright?"
"Neo want to go too."
"No, you aren't allowed to follow me, until you're old enough to do so, alright?"
"W-Why?"
Neo whimpered, as small tears crystallized around his eyes, making his brown eyes glisten in dejection.
"B-B-Because..."  Elizabeth replied in a flustered voice, as she looked lost, unable to figure out what to do.

It'll be fine...Right?...

"F-Fine, we'll go look for food tomorrow, ok?"
Elizabeth finally said, completely submerging herself in submission, losing to Neo's puppy eyes, as she stood up, refilling his bowl with more oatmeal.