Flawless

Chapter 6

Elise was pronounced dead two hours after being at the hospital. Felt like the entire world stopped as the doctor gave his condolences. A week later, Q waisted no time putting his mom at rest. Even at the funeral no words were ever exchanged between he and I. He still managed to keep a stone cold face as Elise was being put into the ground.

Today will make an entire month since Elise's passing and I've been crying ever since. After the funeral Q basically went ghost on me despite him knowing Elise's last wishes were for him to watch over Myra and I. It's okay though I understand that he's grieving as well plus I learned a long time ago to not wait around on someone to be there for you. I found myself sleeping in Elise's room along with Myra every now and again. It was hard to tell my little girl that she would never see Elise again. Our apartment was starting to feel less like home.

The saddest part of it all was I still had yet to really do something with myself. You would think I would stop working at the club but now i actually looked towards being at the club. Being there took my mind off of things.

"Come on baby, Janet is waiting for you " I yelled out to Myra.

"No mommy stay with me" Myra replied back with a pout on her face.

"Mommy has to work" I said.

Tears began to pour down her face. Was I getting to the point where I was putting the club before my daughter I thought. Then I quickly convinced myself that I was doing what needed to be done in order to provide for us.

"Look mommy is working for the both of us baby. How about tomorrow me and you go out to the zoo" I said bending down to her level.

She quickly wiped her tears and smiled at me

"I'm going to see the big lion. RAWWR" she yelled.

I laughed at her silliness then picked her up to take her next door to our neighbors. Once our neighbor Janet answered the door, I gave Myra kisses and told her I loved her. When I made it to the club, I headed straight to the back while greeting some of my regulars on the way back. I sat in front of the vanity mirror, putting on my makeup. Once I was done, I stood up checking out my entire outfit out. I wore a red see through one-piece that had the sides of it cut out.

"Damn baby...looking good" Peaches came behind me slapping my ass.

"Thanks... you got the goods" I said back to her.

"Hell yeah" she replied back

It was only us back in the dressing area. I watch as she pulled out the bag of "snow". She laid some out across the table and start to form two lines of snow for the both of us. I pressed down one side of my nose and sniffed both lines up. Elise was turning in her grave just about now but I needed this. This was my new support system and helped me get through the night. I can stop at anytime.....Right?

"Aye it's big money back in the private room...wanna come put on a show with me." Peaches asked me with a smirk.

I nodded my head and let her lead the way. When we made it back there, I started to have flashes of the last time I was in a private room. But once peaches started the music, the drugs started to kick in and I started to sway my hips. Two businessmen sat on the couches watching us dance up on the stage.

Rihanna pour it up played throughout the room. Me and peaches began to twerk and take turns doing tricks on the pole. I closed my eyes, letting the music move my body.  I flipped off the pole and landed into a split then began to move each ass cheek. Peaches pulled me up and started to give me this funny look.

"Let's give them a real show" she said

I smiled not really knowing what she meant but still wanted to enjoy the moment before my high came down. She pulled my face towards her and began to kiss me. I've never took interest in other women before but for some reason I didn't stop her. Maybe it was the high but I was definitely going against my better judgment and seeking down to the level of the hoes in this club. I slid my tongue in her mouth as she rubbed on my boobs and ass. She undid my one piece and pulled the top half down exposing my boobs completely as I laid across the mini stage. She trailed kisses up from my navel to my boobs. Her tongue began to come in contact with my left nipple. A moaned slipped from my mouth. I haven't endured any type of pleasure in a long time.

She then started sucking on my neck and rubbing my coochie through the thin piece of fabric. My eyes landed on the two businessmen sitting on the couch, rubbing themselves. Peaches smirk at the sight of them getting off on the scene that was displayed in front of them.

I felt peaches insert a finger inside me and wiggle it around. Instantly my body began to react to the feeling. Moans continued to escape from my mouth. She spreads my legs further and was about to dive in face first but then reality began to set in like a ton of bricks. My high was slowly coming down and I began to recognize how much of a fool I was being.

I sat up quickly and pushed Peaches back.

" Whats wrong....we just about to have some real fun" she said

"I can't...this is not how I get down" I said

"Calm down....here do you need another boost" she said pulling the bag of snow out.

I stared hard at the bag as my mouth began to water. Then my eyes started to water. The devil himself was pulling me in and I hated it. I snatched the bag and sniffed as much as I could. Few minutes later my high shot up like a rocket ship. From there on, the night became a blur. I just remember the tingling feeling running through my body.

I don't even know how I made it home but I woke up the next morning with bags of money laid out across my bed. I got up to go to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and was shock by what I saw. To say I was a complete mess would be an understatement. Elise's voice began to boom through my head. 
"Look at you...you would rather be viewed as hoe than actually going out and making something of yourself" she yelled at. "You'll be nothing but a hoe" her voice continued to yell at me.

I covered my ears and began to cry. "Please just go away.....I'm so sorry " I yelled out loud. I was going crazy due to both my reflection in the mirror and voice in my head taunting me. I took one last look at myself before I swung my fist right into the mirror, shattering it. I broke down as blood dripped from my hand. I sobbed out an apology to Elise as I sat on the floor surrounded by glass.

**************

It was now the afternoon and I still sat in my bathroom staring off into space. Here I was at rock bottom once again. Was I ever going to get anywhere in life. Myra's face flashed in my head. I got up and wrapped my hand up then cleaned up the mess I made. Once I was finished I walked next door and knocked on the door. Janet answered the door with a smile but once she seen how I looked and my hand it disappeared. Concern was written all over her face.

"Omg Arnell...are you okay? I'm sorry if this offends you but you don't look too good" she asked.

I forced a smile on my face and asked her to bring out Myra.

"You sure.... I can keep her longer if you need more time to get yourself together" she said with a worried looked.

"I'm fine now bring me my damn child" I said becoming irritated.

Myra then came running out yelling my name.

"Mommy can we go to the Zoo now" she said with a smile.

"I'm sorry baby...mommy can't take you to the zoo today " I said back feeling like a disappointment once I saw the tears fall down from her face.

I grab her hand and led her into our apartment. When we got inside she said something that broke my heart.

"Mama Lise would take me" she said before running off towards Elise's room.