Unbelievable - Dr. Spencer Reid

Five

At home Y/N took a long hot shower to satisfy her deep inner need to wash away all memories of the murderer.  Alone and without distractions, it was harder to cope with the disgust. Normally, she would have crawled into her bed by now, reading and letting her thoughts drift away. Just diving into another world to ignore her own. Everything she could to get rid of the disgusting thoughts and forget this day ever happened. She was good at repressing things or running away from them. She had been used to this for years.  It was her kind of self-protection. On the outside, she was always the strong one, but on the inside it looked quite different. But she wasn't someone who liked to show weakness or to seem boring. She thought company would do her well and distract her. She also wanted to get to know her new colleagues better.

So she entered the bar, not far from her apartment. She had never been there before, honestly she hadn't been going out much lately. When she was still at university, she often went out at night with her friends, but it became increasingly rare since graduation. The bar was beautiful. It had a certain charm. It smelled of wood and beer, a buzz of voices mixed with the clicking of glasses and soft music filled the room. The small room seemed rather dark, but friendly. Small fairy lights were placed above the counter. Round tables were set up everywhere and, on the wall, were small niches, in which were more tables that offered some privacy. In one corner of the room a small stage was set up. It looked as if karaoke evenings would take place quite often. All in all, it was a friendly place, where Y/N felt comfortable right away.

She had put on dark jeans and her favorite sweater. Its baby blue color perfectly underlined the ice blue in her eyes. She had applied light make-up and wore her hair loose, falling over her shoulders in light waves.

She saw the table of the Agents immediately. Penelope, waving excitedly, could not be overlooked. She was heavily made up and wore a tight bright green dress with a pink cardigan.  Everyone seemed exuberant and had a lively conversation. You could see their familiarity at once.

Y/N took a deep breath, leaving any insecurity that had been build up by the past week at the door and made her way across the room to the agents with a smile on her lips. Again the self-confident, young woman as usual.

The man next to Garcia, the only she hadn't met and presumably Derek Morgan, came straight to her after she said a 'hello' to the group. "So, you must be the impressive Y/N everyone's talking about." He held her close. Y/N hated that. She hated unnecessary touching and especially when strangers just hugged her. It made her feel uncomfortable, almost offended.  She couldn't relate to any social custom. But she knew that social standards were different than she would like them to be and most people perceived and felt touch differently than she did. So she knew that he only meant to be friendly and loving and let it pass without comment. She didn't want to be bourgeois or rude.  She knew that she often offended others with her opinions.

"So Little Agent, sit down, have a drink and tell us about yourself." Y/N wrinkled her nose and countered: "Little? I may still be quite young and inexperienced, but I'm neither physically small nor mentally." She winked at him. "Uhu, she's ready to go. I like her." He sat happily back next to Penelope and took a sip of his beer.

She greeted the others in the group, all of them smiling and waving to her. She noticed that there was only one seat left. Of course it was the one right next to Reid, who had previously only stared at his fingers playing with his water glass. Reid hadn't changed much. He was still wearing the trousers and the shirt from the morning. He had only gotten rid of his jacket and his tie. He did not seem to have changed his attitude towards her, nor did he welcome her. She reluctantly sat down next to him and ordered a Coke.

"Hey Y/N, I hope your Coke turns into something else real quick!" Garcia looked at her almost outraged and raised her cocktail. "Um... No, I'm sorry, I don't drink, or at least very rarely." Y/N blushed. "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know." The blonde seemed concerned. Y/N shook her head: "Oh, it's nothing. How could you know?" She knew that Penelope Garcia was no one to ever harass or condemn you. Therefore, she did not have to explain why she did not consume alcohol. "Well, we finally found someone to keep our genius company with his abstinence." Luke laughed and pointed at Spencer.

"Now that we got that cleared up, Y/N tell us something about you! We've hardly had a chance to talk privately these past few days." JJ looked at her with interest. She also wore her hair down and a black skirt with a yellow blouse, which looked incredibly good on her.  "That's right, we know almost nothing about you! I have to admit that I may have done a bit of research in the system on you," Penelope looked embarrassed towards the ceiling:  "But I just had to know who was out there with my family, if you know what I mean." "I do. I mean, maybe I've looked into your personnel files before." She smiled as she approached her drink. "Wait, you did what? Where did you get the files from?" Prentiss  was amazed. Normally, you couldn't just look up FBI files. "I'm not going to tell you that. A girl needs her secrets." Derek seemed amused. "There is more to her you would expect." Y/N shrugged. "Who knows, who knows. So, Penelope, what did you find out about me?? " She leaned on the table and bent over a little bit." Not many new things to be honest. We already knew what and where you studied. I haven't learned much more than that you aren't from around here and I've found your name a couple of times on some lists related to dancing. Otherwise you are a ghost on the Internet.  No Social Media, nothing." You could tell the IT genius was annoyed that she found so little. "I take that as a compliment. Although I have to say you have already found out a lot about me."

Y/N tried to leave as few traces as possible on the Internet. She wanted to be able to control what strangers knew about her and not make herself a target of potential criminals. She didn't think much of spreading her life around on the internet and the fact that the brilliant Penelope Garcia couldn't find out much about her made her feel better. "I am a German by birth and my father is American, so I have dual citizenship. I moved here 6 years ago to study." Y/N explained. "Wow, you don't hear any accent at all. I would have never thought you weren't born here." Said Matt surprised and Y/N replied: "We spoke a lot of English at home and I spent every summer in Florida when I was a kid. Apart from that, I studied communication sciences, so you learn a lot." She laughed. It was amazing how comfortable she felt in the group, even though they only knew each other for such a short time. Normally she didn't like to talk about herself and tried to keep relationships on a professional level. But with them it was easy for her to open up. It was as if she was already a part of this family.

They spent the evening talking about Y/N and her love of dancing and the time she competed, about JJ, who was happy to have an evening off from motherhood, about Matt's life as a father of five and about Rossi's travels. Emily talked to her about Europe and her time in Italy. Even Reid joined the conversations and told about his mother, whom he visited a few weeks ago and shared statistics about parenting.  Actually Y/N should have considered something like that strange, but it suited him and was kind of cute. He just was pure and himself. Something she appreciated. Spencer did not try to touch her at all and always moved a small but energetic piece away from Y/N. He tried his best to ignore her, not to respond to her and from time to time made biting remarks. Y/N even had the impression that he wanted her to feel uncomfortable, which strangely caused her insecurities, which were rarely seen in the presence of others. She noticed his remarks and his distance every time and it offended her, but she had decided not to pay attention to it tonight. She tried to convince herself that he wasn't worth it.

The mood was cheerful, everyone laughed and got along very well. Y/N was part of the group. Derek told one joke after another and Penelope hung on his lips. She had managed to convince Y/N to have at least one glass of wine with her, Rossi and the other women in the team. Because she hadn't been drinking for a long time and was therefore nor used to alcohol, she immediately felt this glass.  She wasn't directly drunk, but she felt the heat in her veins, her tongue became looser and she didn't speak quiet as thoughtfully anymore.

Later that night, Derek and Penny persuaded the bartender to start the karaoke. As a result, the two, Luke, Emily and JJ performed several songs at the top of their voices on the small stage. Meanwhile the rest taughed so hard, they could hardly hold their heads up. Luckily, Rossi recorded everything on his phone.

When Spencer asked her, if she could make room so he could go to the toilet, she stood up with him. They walked silently to the washrooms, just before they reached it Y/N gathered her courage, held him by the arm and asked, "What exactly did I do to you? What's so bad about me that you treat me like this?" Spencer didn't look at her. He just grimly covered his face and pulled away from her.

"I don't have to like you or be friends with you to work with you." With that, he turned around and disappeared into the bathroom. Y/N couldn't help herself. His words hit her. Usually, she didn't care what others thought about her, but he left her with a strange feeling in her stomach, and without her wanting to, her eyes filled with tears. Tears of anger and hurt. Tears she couldn't explain.