What's new? We're always like this. Letting him into my life is such a mistake. I admit, I can't really tell. Yes, I really enjoy his company. Hindi ko na itatanggi. Syempre at first I was always vexed and irritated by his presence. I didn't like him and considered him as a friend but I guess, his persistency worked.
With the time we spent together, may we be seriously talking about something or seriously annoying each other, I can proudly say that we now know each other well. Although we don't see each other often, kapag magkasama naman kami, we make sure to make use of our time well.
But now, as we've always been, magkaaway na naman kami.
This is one of the reasons why I disrelish being friends with new people. Since he's the one who always asks me about myself, I get engaged with telling him and after sharing, I would always think of him. Was he like me as well? Does he also have family problems? More questions like that. I'm afraid that I will become a transparent person for him to read effortlessly kaya sometimes I leave his questions hanging. Napapansin niya rin naman 'yon and luckily, he doesn't push me to answer those and change the topic straightaway. Feeling ko rin I barely know him.
I don't really know how to describe him. He is not that quiet when he's around people. He gets along with everyone, I mean, he maybe knows everyone! His ears are always open with everything that I'm telling him. He answers naman when I ask about him pero at the same time, I'm shy to do so. I don't want to do the same thing he did by asking Lou about me. I don't want to ask her about him. She would probably tease me a lot.
We were okay the day exactly a week ago, when we ate lunch in their residence. The atmosphere was lighter compared to when we were in our house. It was amusing. Tita Mozzy and I talked about a lot of things and I really felt at ease. We met properly, no drunk me. Iba 'yung dating ng boses ni Tita, nagpapakalma. I really appreciated the invite.
While we were watching Dani's vlogs in the living room, a certain photobook caught my eye. Tita Moz noticed that I am looking at it so she paused what we're watching and opened it. Gosh, I was not prepared with what's in there. They were Thirdy's childhood pictures. Tawa kami nang tawa while Tita's explaining the story behind every picture. Thirdy was upstairs kasi he was taking a surprise online quiz. Poor him! Pero buti na lang kasi baka patigilin niya kami sa pinaggagagawa namin.
While we were in the last pictures, he popped out of nowhere, getting the book out of our hands. Pinagalitan niya kaming dalawa and told us that we should've not opened and made fun of his pictures. I can still picture out his face.
Natawa lang ako sa kaniya noong bigla siyang umayos ng upo noong nakita niya akong papalapit. He didn't notice that I was behind him and watching him browse my photos in my laptop. Gusto ko sana siyang pigilan but I got stuck there. I only let him feel my presence when I saw that he was almost done. He looked so funny when he hurriedly closed the folder and opened the email I asked him to open for me.
We also got to talk about our outlooks. If there was one thing I took away from him, it's to not dwell on my past anymore and forgive anyone who hurt me. I got to see a new perspective. Pang-ilang reminder na ata 'to to start anew. I got an idea on where he's coming from when we talked and I thought about it. It's easy to say but... it isn't really tranquil for me to do, considering everything that has taken place. Thinking about it makes my heart beat fast and I can't...with the idea.
Was he really serious? Am I weak? Do I not take care of myself because I don't know how to? I was distraught! How did he also communicate with my parents? I know I shouldn't blame him kasi kagagawan ko naman why I drank so much but he should've asked me first before calling my parents. If this was just any other matter, I would've let it pass but this one's different. Given the fact that he doesn't know what my situation is with my family, it's acceptable. Naguguluhan na rin ako sa sarili ko. Pero what if I did the same thing with him? I bet he would do the same. But he was just a different case. A complex one.
